Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Scott's Tip Of The Day: Thanksgiving is a day where you should give thanks for all of the good things happening in your life. This year I am thankful for a crippled U.S. economy, rising tensions between the United States and Russia, nuclear proliferation, ever increasing energy costs, raging wildfires and other natural disasters, America's increased reliance on poorly crafted foreign goods, outsourced tech support guys with a poor command of the English language, Vegetarians/Vegans who think tofurkey is "cute", robot solicitation calls, people who put pictures of their ugly babies as their default facebook photo, the movie Saw XVII, people who don't understand the right lane is for driving and the left lane is for passing, evangelical Christians who try to impose their belief system on everyone else, Scientology and other cults (...I mean religions....wait...nope I really meant cults), dog owners who dress their ugly little fifi dogs up in sweaters and cauliflower.
What are you thankful for?
Monday, November 24, 2008
Scott's Tip Of The Day: When elephants get aggravated and stressed over the destruction of their habitat they have been known to lash out and rape rhinoceroses. When your cellmate, Ramon, gets aggravated because you got caught up in the moment and burned his mattress in a prison riot he has been known to........
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Scott's Tip Of The Day: When you die and you are standing at the pearly gates, the first thing you're asked isn't "Have you been good?" or "Are you sorry for your sins?" Nope. The first thing they ask you is "Did you have a Jesus fish on your car?" or "Did you ever hang rosaries from your rear view mirror?" "Do you have a Jesus bobble head on your dashboard?" If you can't answer yes to any of these questions then they send you to hell. God doesn't care about your thoughts, good intentions or actions on earth. All he cares is that you show everyone your love of him by hanging tasteless religious chachkas all over your car.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you live in the middle east and you are having trouble playing Guitar Hero in your cave because sand keeps getting in your xbox, then I have good news for you. Pick up a copy of Qatar hero and make those problems a forgotten memory. Allāhu Akba!