Thursday, June 25, 2009

Mark Sanford AWOL


Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you are the governor of a state, your constituents WILL notice if you dissapear for a week. If you are going to dissapear to Argentina to cheat on your wife, you better come up with a better excuse than "I may hike the Appalachian trail for a few days."

Possible excuses that would have worked:
-Swine Flu
-Went to top secret lab to have all memories of 1990's sitcom Dinosaurs removed from my memory
-Renditioned for suspected terrorist activity at an undisclosed military installation in unknown country
-I was waiting in line at the Post Office to mail a letter
-I'd fallen and I couldn't get up
-Followed Jonas Brothers on tour
-Feeling bloated from eating too many starches (Chicks will love this)
-Took the dog on a long walk
-Governor David Patterson was driving me home and we got lost....for a week....because he's blind
-Saw RV, fell into deep depression. Took me a week to come to terms with the fact I will never get those two hours of my life back.
-Kidnapped by Somalian pirates
-Kidnapped by Mexican drug cartel
-Kidnapped by Dick Cheney
-Kidnapped by Care Bears
-Spent week trying to figure out why people find Robert Pattinson relevant
-Arrested by Revolutionary Guard
-Heavy Fog on Oregon Trail caused me to lose 7 days.
-Ate candy stranger gave me, can't remember anything
-Got manhood stuck in glory hole.
-Told friend I would watch Cricket game with him, didn't realize the game took days
-I was here all along, didn't you see me?
-Had to go back in time to the 1950's to save Doc
-Boy George chained me to his wall


Any of these excuses would have been better than "I might hike the Appalachian trail." Remember for next time!

2 comments:

Jenni said...

This is one of my new favorite posts. I especially enjoyed the nod to Oregon Trail and Dinosaurs (I don't know how old you were when it came out, but I know I dug it!)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, everyone famous in the 70's is dying. Who's next!!? I don't know how to feel about this, so maybe you ought to do a tip of the day, about not dying.