Thursday, June 25, 2009

Mark Sanford AWOL

Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you are the governor of a state, your constituents WILL notice if you dissapear for a week. If you are going to dissapear to Argentina to cheat on your wife, you better come up with a better excuse than "I may hike the Appalachian trail for a few days."

Possible excuses that would have worked:
-Swine Flu
-Went to top secret lab to have all memories of 1990's sitcom Dinosaurs removed from my memory
-Renditioned for suspected terrorist activity at an undisclosed military installation in unknown country
-I was waiting in line at the Post Office to mail a letter
-I'd fallen and I couldn't get up
-Followed Jonas Brothers on tour
-Feeling bloated from eating too many starches (Chicks will love this)
-Took the dog on a long walk
-Governor David Patterson was driving me home and we got lost....for a week....because he's blind
-Saw RV, fell into deep depression. Took me a week to come to terms with the fact I will never get those two hours of my life back.
-Kidnapped by Somalian pirates
-Kidnapped by Mexican drug cartel
-Kidnapped by Dick Cheney
-Kidnapped by Care Bears
-Spent week trying to figure out why people find Robert Pattinson relevant
-Arrested by Revolutionary Guard
-Heavy Fog on Oregon Trail caused me to lose 7 days.
-Ate candy stranger gave me, can't remember anything
-Got manhood stuck in glory hole.
-Told friend I would watch Cricket game with him, didn't realize the game took days
-I was here all along, didn't you see me?
-Had to go back in time to the 1950's to save Doc
-Boy George chained me to his wall

Any of these excuses would have been better than "I might hike the Appalachian trail." Remember for next time!


Jennifer Good said...

This is one of my new favorite posts. I especially enjoyed the nod to Oregon Trail and Dinosaurs (I don't know how old you were when it came out, but I know I dug it!)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, everyone famous in the 70's is dying. Who's next!!? I don't know how to feel about this, so maybe you ought to do a tip of the day, about not dying.