Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Scott's Tip Of The Day: So you've been married awhile and you think it's time to start a family. Or maybe you want to start a family but you aren't married. You're a progressive couple who doesn't believe in institutions like marriage, religion, the banking system or anything that could possibly be construed as sensible. Perhaps you're a unhinged, social deviant in her early 40s who wants to inseminate herself with seed from a sperm bank because no guy you date can accept the fact you own eight cats that roam freely throughout your 600 square foot apartment. Whatever the case, you've reached that point where you want to bring a bundle of joy into your life. You want to spend over a million dollars raising a child that will constantly disappoint you and never live up to your expectations. Well then, you are in luck. I'll help you out.
Ugh! No! That's gross. That's not what I meant. I'm not going to help you conceive a baby. Look at yourself. You're hideous. I'm way out of your league. What I can do is point you to this study, however(click here). According to the NY Post,
"A study of 229 Israeli women undergoing in-vitro fertilization (IVF) to treat infertility received 15-minute visit from a trained "medical clown" immediately after the embryos were implanted. The success rate ballooned to 36%, compared with 20% for women who weren't given the silly treatment."
You know what this means? Hanging out with a "medical clown" boosts your chances of a successful in-vitro fertilization procedure by 16%! What they failed to disclose in this study is it also increases your chances of panic attack, date rape, extreme depression, uncontrollable sweating and a general feeling of unease by 50%.
Those are the facts. I can't make that kind of stuff up. If you want a baby, get a clown involved. A medical clown. And all of your dreams will come true. The world is yours.