Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Medical Clowns



Scott's Tip Of The Day: So you've been married awhile and you think it's time to start a family. Or maybe you want to start a family but you aren't married. You're a progressive couple who doesn't believe in institutions like marriage, religion, the banking system or anything that could possibly be construed as sensible. Perhaps you're a unhinged, social deviant in her early 40s who wants to inseminate herself with seed from a sperm bank because no guy you date can accept the fact you own eight cats that roam freely throughout your 600 square foot apartment. Whatever the case, you've reached that point where you want to bring a bundle of joy into your life. You want to spend over a million dollars raising a child that will constantly disappoint you and never live up to your expectations. Well then, you are in luck. I'll help you out.

Ugh! No! That's gross. That's not what I meant. I'm not going to help you conceive a baby. Look at yourself. You're hideous. I'm way out of your league. What I can do is point you to this study, however(click here). According to the NY Post,
"A study of 229 Israeli women undergoing in-vitro fertilization (IVF) to treat infertility received 15-minute visit from a trained "medical clown" immediately after the embryos were implanted. The success rate ballooned to 36%, compared with 20% for women who weren't given the silly treatment."
You know what this means? Hanging out with a "medical clown" boosts your chances of a successful in-vitro fertilization procedure by 16%! What they failed to disclose in this study is it also increases your chances of panic attack, date rape, extreme depression, uncontrollable sweating and a general feeling of unease by 50%.

Those are the facts. I can't make that kind of stuff up. If you want a baby, get a clown involved. A medical clown. And all of your dreams will come true. The world is yours.

11 comments:

Rebecca Bany said...

Well that's definitely a new one for me! Haha.
www.rebeccabany.com

Kev D. said...

I'm just a standard clown. I didn't have the grades to get into medclown school.

And now you have to remind me that I don't have the power to make babies out of smiles. So thanks for nothing, man.

Jessica said...

Wtf are these woman not familiar with Pennywise? What did they do just gather nothing but woman with clown fetishes for this study!

becca said...

great post

Rachel Hoyt said...

I think this just proves that we get into stress groves and need more fun to lighten our moods! :)

Rhyme Me a Smile

Belle said...

Was the door closed when the clown was visiting those women? How long was he in there? These are facts that might skew the study.

The Tame One said...

Thats the scariest freaking idea I've ever heard. What sadistic bastard decided to torment women who just had random semen squirted into themselves with a clown????

Shannon said...

Why wouldn't a guy date a girl with 8 cats roaming freely around her 600 foot apartment? It'd be frisky!

ShanimalCrackers.blogspot.com

Nina "Ninfamous" said...

The only thing clowns give me are 1) nightmares and B)The runs. This MUST be another trick from the Better Business Bureau.

www.ninavstheworld.blogspot.com

Ankita (Gg) said...

The resultant babies will be born laughing uncontrollably. Or maybe making people laugh, flunking everything and acing medclown school, if Belle's fears are true.

wheatgerm said...

One cat is enough