Monday, October 5, 2009

Halloween Costumes



Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you're a dude, basically any Halloween costume will work. Just make sure it doesn't show any skin. People don't want to see you half naked. Trust me. I know you think your biceps are monstrous, but no one cares. The Clockwork Orange Guys. Harry Potter. Whatever. You can do anything. Just don't be sexy Harry Potter with the leather crotchless pants and you're fine. Sexy Harry Potter is an oxymoron anyway.

If you're an attractive lady, don't even think about putting together a Halloween costume that isn't a little sexy. It's necessary. It's tradition. Show some skin. HOWEVER, if you're a lady with rolls of fat, even if you have an attractive face, you are not allowed to put together a sexy Halloween costume. You should just stay home and hand out candy. Someone needs to, you know? And I just elected YOU to do it. No apples, please.

I'm strongly against the practice of dressing your dog up, but on Halloween it's OK to do so, if you must. Get your ya yas out because after Oct 31st, if your dog is wearing people's clothes, its just going to look like a tool. And if a dog looks like a tool, its owner looks like a tool too.

You can email me your grievances at scottstipoftheday@gmail.com, and if I think there are some extenuating circumstances, I'll grant you permission to deviate from these rules, but otherwise, by reading this blog entry, you have hereby agreed to abide by them. Any violations of this aforementioned agreement shall result in ostracization.

6 comments:

Jenni said...

Ya know, I think sexy costumes are downright annoying. (I know, I know, I'm always starting trouble)

Last Halloween, (or maybe two years ago) I saw a Post Secret Post card that said "I don't care if it's Halloween, you still look like a SLUT!". I didn't realize Halloween was "Get away with looking like a cheap whore" day. I mean, I can't talk, for my last Halloween party at college, I wore my old school uniform from high school. But I'm not pretty/whorey looking enough for it to pass as sexy.
Maybe I'm jealous, maybe I'm a prude, but I don't exactly approve of young (or old) women dressing like sluts for attention on Halloween. It just causes trouble, because then the woman can cry rape when a guy comes onto her. But it's like, why did you dress like a woman from the Bunny Ranch and not expect trouble!?

And if someone dresses their DOG in a "sexy costume" (I.e bikinis, or sweaters with "SEXY" in glitter), they have other issues entirely, and should be giving out candy for the rest of their days.

Jackie Sanders said...

well... you should try some sexy costumes too...

Jenni said...

Thanks, Jackie, but I think I have just a little too much self-respect to even think about wearing trash like that. :p

Philtron3030 said...

DO not ruin the most sexy day of the year for me...

Than again, I plan on going as a douchebag this year. Should be quite funny:)

Jenni said...

I hear those things give you UTIs. Good luck with that. :p
The bosses at my job want to make the interns dress up in pie costumes and stand outside on the sidewalk and wave at people driving by. But I think they ought to do a little dance.

Philtron3030 said...

@Jenni

Oh yes, no doctor recommends actual use of them anymore. The body can handle itself when healthy, no need for them...

I am more going for the comments:

"What are you?"
"I'm a douchebag, duh."