Monday, October 5, 2009
Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you're a dude, basically any Halloween costume will work. Just make sure it doesn't show any skin. People don't want to see you half naked. Trust me. I know you think your biceps are monstrous, but no one cares. The Clockwork Orange Guys. Harry Potter. Whatever. You can do anything. Just don't be sexy Harry Potter with the leather crotchless pants and you're fine. Sexy Harry Potter is an oxymoron anyway.
If you're an attractive lady, don't even think about putting together a Halloween costume that isn't a little sexy. It's necessary. It's tradition. Show some skin. HOWEVER, if you're a lady with rolls of fat, even if you have an attractive face, you are not allowed to put together a sexy Halloween costume. You should just stay home and hand out candy. Someone needs to, you know? And I just elected YOU to do it. No apples, please.
I'm strongly against the practice of dressing your dog up, but on Halloween it's OK to do so, if you must. Get your ya yas out because after Oct 31st, if your dog is wearing people's clothes, its just going to look like a tool. And if a dog looks like a tool, its owner looks like a tool too.
You can email me your grievances at firstname.lastname@example.org, and if I think there are some extenuating circumstances, I'll grant you permission to deviate from these rules, but otherwise, by reading this blog entry, you have hereby agreed to abide by them. Any violations of this aforementioned agreement shall result in ostracization.