Thursday, March 12, 2009

It Aint The Motion Of The Ocean It's The Size Of The Boat

Scott's Tip Of The Day: I don't care if your girlfriend, wife or inflatable doll told you "Its not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean".... she was lying. If your ding dong is microscopic then no matter how much you move it, you aint gonna be pleasin' her. So what do you do when you are about to have sex with an inebriated acquaintance and you pull off your pants and she says "OMG, your swizzle stick is SO small?"


10. It gets bigger, I assure you.
9. Swizzle stick? You're six-years-old, where did you learn an innuendo like that?
8. Just give me a chance, I just enrolled in a Penercize class, and after a few weeks of penirpushups, it'll be bigger and stronger
7. I'm Asian, give me a break.
6. How would you know it's small? Seen a lot of them?..... Slut
5. When I finish this cycle of steroids it will probably return to normal size.
4. I'll have you know I won the Rhode Island Penis of The Year award in 1999, 2004 and 2007!
3. The doctors did the best they could after an unfortunate accident involving a Rottweiler and a jar of peanut butter.
2. Oh, that? That's not my penis...
1. It's not that my love pump is small, it's that your vuh-jay-jay is huge.

Depending on your exact situation, some of these responses might work better than others, but at least you will have a witty response and won't be caught with your pants down (pun intended).


Mia Watts said...

Truth is, on average, long men elongate at a smaller percentage than short men do. Shorter men tend to erect several percentages greater than a man who is already packing.

Science. Not experience.

RCP said...

The best response to the whole "motion in the ocean" comment I've heard is: "It takes a whole lot longer to get to England in a row boat."

J. said...

Spoken like a man with a cocktail weiner. ; )

So, Scott, are you saying that size really matters after all?

And I thought it was whatever floats your boat.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

There's nothing wrong with chucking a chipolata up Oxfrord Street. Just ask my ex who left me for a Thai lady Boy!

Juggle Jane said...

Good God, man! #9 and #6 have me in tears. TEARS, I tell you!

Well, having been in this situation, can you give me a list of 10 things I could have said upon seeing said swizzle stick?

Scott said...

MOB- did your ex really leave you for a thai lady boy?

Juggle Jane - Just say "WOW!!!!"

Paige Lacey said...

Oh, Mr. Man! You're too funny. And for a lady to comment on size is just rude. It's best just to lie down and think of England...