1-877-Kars-4-Kids

Scott's Tip Of The Day: I've had it. Everyday on the way to work I listen to the radio. It doesn't matter if I am listening to 660AM, 1050AM, 1010AM, I always hear the same commercial. The most annoying commercial ever! Its a bunch of kids singing "1-877-Kars-4-Kids." Not only is the commercial extremely irritating, but it makes no sense.

First, there are too many numbers to dial. Kars-4-Kids? A typical number has a 3 digit area code and 7 numbers after. (XXX)-XXX-XXXX. I guess Kars-4-Kids worked out a special deal where they can just add as many digits as they want. "Why make donors dial the minimum number of requisite digits when we can force them to dial more? MWAHAHAHAHA."

Second, if i didn't look up "Cars For Kids" on Google, I never would have realized "Cars" is spelled "Kars" and there is a "4" in there instead of a "for." What brilliant marketing genius came up with that? Awww, they spelled "Cars" wrong. How cute!!! No! How confusing! Why don't you throw a backwards R in there too? How about a ampersand too?

Third, Why do kids need cars? Isn't the minimum driving age like 16 or 17? Does a seven-year-old really need a 1987 Honda Accord? Would you feel comfortable with your seven-year-old driving a 1987 Honda Accord? How reliable could that car be? Did you make sure the breaks work OK? Do you really trust your kid to go run errands and not spend all the grocery money gettin' hopped up on Jolt Cola at Chuck-E-Cheeses?

Out of principle I will never donate to Kars-4-Kids because the commercial is so f**king annoying. Kids singing out of tune, (when you can't even see their booger covered faces), is not cute. In the advertising world, typically, if you familiarize people with your product, you have done a great job. Unfortunately, Kars-4-Kids revolts people. When I'm driving and this commercial comes on, I consider driving my car into the median divider or pulling over and committing ritual seppuku. That is why I urge you to donate to some of my favorite charities instead.

Guns For Kids in Africa
There is a lot of unrest in Africa. Wars, genocide and whatnot. And a lot of kids don't have guns. What's a gunless kid going to do when people show up to his house with guns? Nothing. He'll be helpless. That's why you need to donate and get these kids some guns to defend themself. "Screw you army man! Rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat!"

Money For Scott
See that "Donate to Scott" box on the upper right hand corner of this blog? Scott provides you with countless wisdom. He's always there for you. You can always email him at SCOTTSTIPOFTHEDAY@GMAIL.COM and say hi, or ask him a question. He is like your drunk uncle, who never beats you, but always seems to forget your birthday. What better way to show your appreciation then to send some $$$ his way?

Clown Subsidies
A lot of you hate clowns. I don't particularly like them. They're supposed to be funny, but they're creepy and sad. What better way to get them out of the public eye than to pay them not to work? I don't want to see you clown! So I am gonna pay you your salary to sit on the couch and not go out in public! Brilliant!