Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Fashion 2049

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Fashion week will be taking place in New York City from September 10-17. I am fortunate to have a very talented girlfriend in the fashion industry. She knows her stuff. She's fashion forward. She could tell you what's hot or not. She could tell you what's going to be hot or not next year. She could even probably tell you what's going to be hot or not five years down the road. While some, probably most, would find this information useful, I am going to do you one better. I am going to utilize my boundless brain power to peer into the future and tell you what's going to be hot 40 years down the road. This way you'll have time to save the tens of thousands of dollars you will be spending on my suggestions.


Pandas are almost extinct and it's 2009. You know how rare they are going to be in 2049? There will be like five of them. So how cool do you think you will be when you stroll up to Le Bernadin in your panda coat? Did you look at the picture above? It even has a hood! Made out of Panda head fur! Genius! Killing near-extinct animals for their fur is going to be all the rage in 2049. Get your panda coat now.

Everyone's seen a unitard before. Gymnasts, ice skaters and pedophiles wear them. But in 2049, people will wear full body spandex unitards that even cover their head. Since China's chief export in 2049 will be disease, Americans will need to take precautions to avoid these viruses. Some of these viruses from the 2040's include Raccoon flu, Blumpkin Pox, Mongolian knee fungus and Paris Hilton Broken Vagina Syndrome. The full body spandex unitard will prevent germs from making contact with your face. Incidentally, It may also be responsible for the 20,000% jump in violent rape cases between 2049 and 2050, but lookin' good takes work, right?

What's cooler than a jet pack? What? A naked woman? Yeah, I suppose so. But can you wear a naked woman? Yeah, technically, I suppose you could.... but you're distracting me....what I'm trying to say is jet packs are functional and cool. You look pretty badass with one on your back, and they take you places too. Watch the video above. Chuck Norris is using a jet pack. And he's cool. Even if you don't think he's cool, you have to say he looks cool because he'll murder you if you don't. Chuck Norris is ruthless. But that's another story for another time....

So that's fashion in 2049. Start planning.

Because if you're not cool, you're just a fool.

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