Thursday, September 3, 2009


Scott's Tip Of The Day: The Japanese first lady, Miyuki Hatoyama, claims she was abducted by Aliens as a 20-year-old. She also claims she knew Tom Cruise in a former incarnation and worked with him in Hollywood.

How many pieces of 5-day-old sushi have you consumed, Miyuki? What did I tell you about playing Super Famicom for hours on end? I told you it would rot your brain! And it did!

For all you wives married to men in the public arena, it would behoove you to avoid public statements about the following things:

-Bloody Clown Suits
-Dead Hookers
-Your misguided belief that Drew Carey is "the best host ever" on the Price is Right
-Uncle Salvatore and his concrete boots
-Ookie Cookie
-Swanson's Fish Sticks
-The Domino's Pizza Noid
-Tom Cruise
-Space Docking
-Balloon Animals
-Your distant relative in Nigeria who is trying to hide his fortune
-Mayor McCheese
-Racial Stereotypes
-Pillow People
-Russian Roulette
-The Jonas Brothers
-Bert & Ernie's confusing relationship
-Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot
-Mud Butt
-Your state's distance to Russia and its inherent foreign relations implications

Steer clear of these subjects and you'll be fine.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm tired of these Michael Jackson tie-in stories...