Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Ashton Kutcher

Scott's Tip Of The Day: What do you do when Ashton Kutcher threatens to stop using Twitter? YOU PANIC!

Why would Ashton Kutcher want to abandon Twitter? Apparently Twitter has been in talks to create a Twitter TV show. Ashton Kutcher thinks this is a violation of his privacy. "Me!? Ashton Kutcher? On a TV show? How dare you!" Kutcher is quoted in the article as saying "It's all fun and games until somebody gets stalked."

Wait. Lets rewind. What does Ashton Kutcher do on Twitter? He discusses... I'm sorry.... he "tweets" the various things going on in his life. The mundane things. The things no one cares about. "I just took a dump. It was green." Those types of things. And Kutcher's upset because he believes a Twitter TV show would cramp his privacy and lead to stalking!? What about the tweeting Ashton!? What about the tweeting!? You tell people exactly where you are and what you're doing every second of the day! That in itself won't encourage stalking? My God, man! What are you thinking!?

Luckily for Kutcher, he is a total tool. Don't worry, Ashton. No one is going to stalk you. No one likes you. Your inflated sense of self importance is an even stronger at repelling people than toxic nerve gas. You aren't even worth a serial killer's time. "But Scott, if nobody likes me, then how do I have 3 million followers on Twitter?" Easy! These followers consist of the deaf, dumb and blind, people who can't speak english, people who looking for pictures to post on their gun targets in the shooting gallery, and the mentally retarded.

I don't care about your Twitter threats, Ashton. I am boycotting you, regardless. What's my tip of the day? Boycott Ashton Kutcher too!


*Lissa* said...


Jenni said...

I would also like to point out his tv show "Punk'd" which to me is some degree of stalking, so to speak.

Lord Andrew of Goulding said...

How about a new social media service "STALKER" in which you have 45 characters to say just who you're stalking at that moment.