Cap'n Crunch

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Cap'n Crunch is not a real person. Want proof? See below:

Dear Quaker Cereals, My name is Scott and I was in the 718th Reconnaissance Squadron in Da Nang, 1974. I served with a gentleman, whom I believe today to be Cap'n Crunch. I am not sure what kind of background check you guys do before giving war veterans their own cereal, but when I saw his face on a cereal box, I just had to say something. When I knew the "Cap'n," he was nothing more than a private first class. He excelled in nothing but laziness and his carelessness almost cost my platoon its life. He spent more time toking purple haze than watching the perimeter for potential threats and no one slept easy when the "Cap'n" was on patrol. I can say with full confidence that there is no conceivable way that Cap'n Crunch is actually a Captain. At best, he may have been promoted to Sergeant, but even that is a longshot. As a veteran, I take things like this seriously, and I kindly request you do a background check on the Cap'n before you continue to market his cereal. It is an insult to the armed forces and an insult to America!!! Although I am a tempermental war veteran, I would like you to know I could be easily placated with a coupon or a Cap'n Crunch bobblehead doll. For the grandkids, you know.
-Scott


And Quaker's response:
Scott: Cap'n Crunch is a "fictional" cartoon character designed by Jay Ward in the 1960's. However, we're glad your grandkids enjoy Cap'n Crunch Cereal. While we don't have bobble heads available, please click on the following link to print an electronic coupon for $1.00 off any Quaker product with our compliments: {Coupon cut for Scott's Personal use}


What can we deduce from this? Cap'n Crunch is not real. Furthermore, my recollection of my participation in the Vietnam war appears to be faulty.