411

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Who picks up the phone when you dial 9-1-1? No!! Not Snagglepuss!! What are you, retarded!?? The answer I was looking for was "Emergency response!"

And who picks up the phone when you dial 4-1-1? Very good! Information! But just because Information is called "Information," it doesn't mean they have all of the info you are looking for. Information can only provide you with addresses and telephone numbers. And even then, their services are limited. They can't tell you where to buy cocaine. They can't tell you where to find the hottest disease free hooker. They can't help you with your math homework or that thing on your leg that has been pussing since you picked it with an infected nail. By the way, why WERE you picking your leg with an infected nail? Did your mother teach you nothing?

Anyway, I digress..... the point is that 4-1-1 can't answer any of the important questions. But who can? The mafia! So when you have a problem, find an organized crime family. They retain the best Jewish accountants and attorneys, they know how to "solve problems," they know where to find hookers and drugs and they have got a few doctors who know how to keep your problems hush hush! Fogettah bout 4-1-1! Call the mafia today!