Wednesday, May 27, 2009
You're Getting A Dell Dude!
Scott's Tip Of The Day: Dell employees are really patient with old people. See below:
9:12:25 AM Scott TOTD
Initial Question/Comment: email@example.com
9:12:31 AM System
You are now being connected to an agent. Thank you for using Dell Chat
9:12:31 AM System
Connected with BE_PR1_Rex_R
9:12:41 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
Welcome to Dell Sales Chat! I hope you are doing well and thank you for waiting. My name is Rex and I will be your personal sales agent today. Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or leave me a message at 1800-379-3355 ext. 2160085, from 8AM CST – 12 CST. Please provide your e-mail address and phone number where I can contact you in case we get disconnected. How may I help you with your purchase today?You might be interested in our newly released product, the Studio One 19 Desktop. It’s an all-in-one, touch-screen desktop.
9:12:46 AM Scott TOTD
9:12:46 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
To better serve you, Dell now offers Secure Payment via Chat for our chat customers!
9:12:56 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
Hi Scott, how are you today?
9:13:05 AM Scott TOTD
I am good, the weather is awful though!
9:13:11 AM Scott TOTD
where are you? Texas?
9:13:32 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
no, we are located in the Philippines.
9:13:40 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
how may I help you today?
9:13:52 AM Scott TOTD
Well Rex, this is actually my first time on a computer
9:14:10 AM Scott TOTD
I am 89 years old and my son, God bless his heart, he wants to get me a computer for my 90th birthday
9:14:21 AM Scott TOTD
So he said, talk to you guys and you will tell me what works for me.
9:14:34 AM Scott TOTD
I am used to a typewriter, I don't really understand these computer things
9:14:57 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
I'll be glad to help you with your concern =)
9:15:04 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
are you looking for a desktop or a laptop?
9:15:13 AM Scott TOTD
Thank you Rex. How is it over in the phillipines? Is the weather nice?
9:15:33 AM Scott TOTD
Well the desktop is the big computer on the table right? And the laptop is the small one that folds?
9:15:57 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
yes, you are right.
9:16:21 AM Scott TOTD
My friend Morty Finkelstein at the retirement home said his grandson was electrecuted by a IBM thinkpad laptop
9:16:22 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
oh the weather is great although a bit hot during the day
9:16:32 AM Scott TOTD
and he had to go to the hospital
9:16:37 AM Scott TOTD
but then he fell in love with the nurse
9:16:39 AM Scott TOTD
and then married her
9:16:52 AM Scott TOTD
which is great, i am happy for him, but i don't want to be electrecuted, rex!
9:16:57 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
oh that is so unfortunate
9:17:06 AM Scott TOTD
Yes, does this ever happen with dell laptops?
9:17:18 AM Scott TOTD
I am an old man, I can't afford to be electrecuted
9:17:31 AM Scott TOTD
I am wearing dishwashing gloves right now so I don't get electrecuted
9:17:35 AM Scott TOTD
my son thinks I am crazy
9:17:37 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
we have had reports of that incident with our computers.
9:17:52 AM Scott TOTD
Oh dear, does this happen with desktops too?
9:18:19 AM Scott TOTD
Do you have special suits you can wear, like biohazard suits, so it is safe to use the computer?
9:18:26 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
no it does not.
9:18:28 AM Scott TOTD
my typewriter never electrecuted me. I am scared!
9:18:38 AM Scott TOTD
Ok, I guess I want a desktop then.
9:18:53 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
you don't have to worry,all our systems are safe.
9:19:03 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
would you like me to help you customize one?
9:19:07 AM Scott TOTD
Now, can you explain to me what the internet is? Are we on it now?
9:19:28 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
yes we are on it right now.
9:19:31 AM Scott TOTD
My son keeps talking about surfing the internet, but I am an old man and I don't want to break any bones
9:19:35 AM Scott TOTD
do I have to surf?
9:19:43 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
with Internet you can get the information from anywhere
9:20:09 AM Scott TOTD
Information from anywhere...interesting
9:20:22 AM Scott TOTD
when I was a kid you had to go to the library and pay the mean ol' librarian two bits
9:20:33 AM Scott TOTD
and then she would look up the card catalog
9:20:36 AM Scott TOTD
and get you your books
9:20:44 AM Scott TOTD
We didn't have any internet! Ha Ha!
9:20:52 AM Scott TOTD
This technology is amazing!
9:21:18 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
that was way before, but now you can get all the information you want in your home just using the internet
9:21:36 AM Scott TOTD
Ok, I have another concern. Do your computers come with locks?
9:21:48 AM Scott TOTD
I am worried my grandkids will go to the internet
9:21:56 AM Scott TOTD
and look at these pictures of unsavory naked women
9:22:06 AM Scott TOTD
I heard about this on the television
9:22:15 AM Scott TOTD
kids looking at naked women...and men...on the internet!
9:22:27 AM Scott TOTD
Can you offer me a machine that protects me from this?
9:22:58 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
yes, we have it.
9:23:15 AM Scott TOTD
I use a master lock at the gymnasium, can I use that with this computer?
9:23:23 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
just in case we get disconnected , may I have teh ebst phone number to reach you?
9:23:38 AM Scott TOTD
Sure, XXX-XXX-XXXX (I USED A REAL NUMBER THAT WASN'T MINE, BUT I EDITED IT OUT TO PROTECT THE POOR PERSON WHOSE NUMBER I USED)
9:23:47 AM Scott TOTD
Why would we get disconnected? Where are you going?
9:24:23 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
sometimes it happens.
9:24:32 AM Scott TOTD
The internet sounds dangerous
9:24:37 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
will you be needing a compelet desktop or just a tower?
9:24:38 AM Scott TOTD
people get electrecuted and disconnected
9:24:52 AM Scott TOTD
what is a tower?
9:26:04 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
it is the CPU which containts the all the parts to make the computer run
9:26:29 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
since this will be your first system, i think we should get you a monitor as well
9:26:59 AM Scott TOTD
A monitor? Ok
9:27:11 AM Scott TOTD
Rex, what is it like in the phillipines
9:27:18 AM Scott TOTD
I was over in Japan in World War 2
9:27:25 AM Scott TOTD
but the world has probably changed a lot since then
9:29:09 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
a lot has changed.
9:29:29 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
Ok, let me explain how the process works. I’m going to ask you a few questions about your computer needs and usage. Then Ill configure a system that looks right for your needs AND your budget. We'll spend a few moments going over the system and talk about it a little more.
9:30:57 AM Scott TOTD
9:31:19 AM Scott TOTD
My son showed me this movie the terminator where machines attacked people
9:31:31 AM Scott TOTD
is this possible? can my computer become sentient and rebel?
9:31:38 AM Scott TOTD
I am an old man, I can't take that kind of excitement
9:32:02 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
no that is just a fiction.
9:32:05 AM Scott TOTD
If I was a young whippersnapper I could beat that machine down like I beat those dirty krauts in germany
9:32:16 AM Scott TOTD
9:32:19 AM Scott TOTD
I am relieved.
9:33:27 AM Scott TOTD
Oh dear! I wanted to find out news, so I went to whitehouse.com. I wanted to find out about the new supreme court justice elect, and it was a pornography site! Whitehouse.com!
9:33:46 AM Scott TOTD
Is this what Obama is doing with the internet? Filling it up with smut? Why I oughtta....
9:35:26 AM Scott TOTD
Is it true I can order prune juice and adult diapers on the internet? My friend from the retirement home, Zelda Menkowitz said she gets all of her things from the amazon
9:35:43 AM Scott TOTD
i told her that was ridiculous. Since when do they make diapers in the amazon!?
9:36:09 AM Scott TOTD
Are you still there Rex?
9:36:56 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
I'm still here
9:37:26 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
yes, you can now order things on the internet,so you don't to woory going to stores
9:37:36 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
what will be the main use of this system?
9:38:15 AM Scott TOTD
I want to meet a girlfriend on the internet
9:38:35 AM Scott TOTD
but it has to be a nice girl, i heard there was a man craig who has a list
9:38:58 AM Scott TOTD
and you can read this list and meet prostitutes and women with body parts only men are supposed to have
9:39:06 AM Scott TOTD
I don't want this craig on my computer
9:39:12 AM Scott TOTD
but i do want to meet women on it
9:39:39 AM Scott TOTD
I am a handsome man for a 89 year old! Steve Goldstein says I look like a young 82 year old!
9:39:58 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
9:40:57 AM Scott TOTD
so get me a computer where i can meet fine ladies, ladies that look like audrey hepburn but not katherine hepburn
9:41:03 AM Scott TOTD
I want a looker, see
9:41:22 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
9:41:22 AM Scott TOTD
Sofia Loren, now there was a lady
9:41:46 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
will you be downloading music files later on this system?
9:41:49 AM Scott TOTD
How old are you, Rex?
9:42:12 AM Scott TOTD
Can I find the music I like to listen to on the internet?
9:42:38 AM Scott TOTD
My favorite band growing up was Uncle Dick and The Hairy Gang
9:42:38 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
yes you can.
9:42:48 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
Are you going to be downloading and editing your photos?
9:42:50 AM Scott TOTD
my my they could play
9:43:24 AM Scott TOTD
I know how to look at photos, what do you mean, edit photos?
9:43:48 AM Scott TOTD
Like change history? I saw some documentary like that, back to the future, didn't care for it, these young kids, with their skateboards, running around messing up time
9:43:50 AM Scott TOTD
no, no editing
9:44:19 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
Are you doing any online banking or shopping?
9:44:36 AM Scott TOTD
can I shop in the amazon for diapers, as I mentioned before?
9:44:43 AM Scott TOTD
If I can, I guess so
9:44:49 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
yes you can.will you be using word,excel and powerpoint?
9:45:09 AM Scott TOTD
9:45:19 AM Scott TOTD
aren't I using words now?
9:45:45 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
powerpoint is for presentation, excel are for spreadsheet.
9:46:21 AM Scott TOTD
i dont need any presentations, i am 89 years old!
9:46:27 AM Scott TOTD
Can I play backgammon on this computer
9:46:58 AM Scott TOTD
My friend Liza Steinbergjewstein said that she plays backgammon online with the mud people from Brazil
9:47:01 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
yes oyu can
9:47:05 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
9:47:05 AM Scott TOTD
I don't even know what mud people are!?
9:47:47 AM Scott TOTD
What is e-mail?
9:48:45 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
it is electronic mail, it means that you send letter to your relatiives and friend and they receive it right away
9:49:04 AM Scott TOTD
Ah yes, my friend Goldy Hymiebraun said she was talking to a Prince in Nigeria on email. And he needed help getting money out of the country.
9:49:14 AM Scott TOTD
That Nigerian man sent her a check for 1,000,000 dollars yesterday!
9:49:16 AM Scott TOTD
She is rich!
9:49:30 AM Scott TOTD
She is taking me out to dinner tonight at 4PM. We are going to red lobster!
9:49:55 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
oh that is awesome
9:50:20 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
what price rnage do you want to invest in this new computer?
9:50:35 AM Scott TOTD
Who knew that a white old jewish lady like her would be related to a Nigerian prince who was rich and needed help getting his money out of the country
9:50:39 AM Scott TOTD
Good Lord, what a miracle
9:51:08 AM Scott TOTD
Well, my son is buying it, how much do these things go for? $10? $15?
9:52:45 AM BE_PR1_Rex_R
we might go for $500-$800 for a fast system.
9:53:06 AM Scott TOTD
Oh Good Lord!
9:53:14 AM Scott TOTD
My Son doesn't have that kind of money!
9:53:22 AM Scott TOTD
I am sorry to waste your time Rex.
9:53:26 AM Scott TOTD
9:53:28 AM Scott TOTD
9:53:30 AM Scott TOTD