Monday, May 4, 2009

Selena Roberts

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Are you thinking about becoming an investigative journalist? Well, now it's easier than ever. In the past, journalists who wrote books or articles named the sources they used for information. Sure, not everyone was named. It took over 30 years to uncover Deep Throat's identity. But Deep Throat provided verifiable information.

Today Selena Roberts releases her book, The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez. She includes allegations from unnamed sources that say A-Rod tipped pitches to members of opposing teams in hopes they would return the favor and tip pitches back to him, when he was at bat. Roberts also claims A-Rod has been using steroids since he was in high school.

Since Roberts doesn't deem it necessary to name sources, I am going to follow her lead. Incidentally, I talked to some unnamed sources and dug up some information on Selena Roberts.

-According to an anonymous source, Selena Roberts was artificially inseminated with sperm from a giraffe. She then secretly bore a half human-half giraffe baby in the San Diego Zoo. The freak baby's whereabouts are currently unknown, but it is suspected she sold the baby to Osama Bin Laden, who then raised the child as his own. This child is currently fighting in the war in Afghanistan

-According to an anonymous source, Selena Roberts gave a blumpkin to an unnamed New York City homeless man on several occasions between April 20th, 2009 and April 29th 2009.

-According to an anonymous source, Selena Roberts broke into the maternity ward in Mount Sinai hospital, in New York City and then picked up every baby she could find. She then dropped every baby in the maternity ward on the ground, before she exited. She left no evidence behind.

So what's the lesson here? If you can't substantiate rumors and hearsay just attribute it to an anonymous source!

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