Friday, May 1, 2009

Fat People - Scott's Eighth Letter

Dear Oh Noble Scottimus,
Is it politically incorrect to call the new girl in my office fat? I will provide you with an example--- 'the new girl in the office is that fat ginger girl who drinks all the tea'? Thanks!



I am honored by your
display of deference. Most people don't recognize my claim to nobility. This probably stems from the fact, most people don't believe the man who knighted me, King Tomato, is a real King, much less a real person. I assure you however, that King Tomato is very real, and he will steal your face and squash your soul if you defy him or his authority over the Bearded Kingdom.

As for your question, it is generally accepted that insulting your colleague is a politically incorrect thing to do. But what is your state of mind? Are you maliciously calling your colleague fat? Is it really an insult? Or, are you calling her fat as a way of bringing to her attention the fact she is overweight, in an attempt to encourage her to drop some pounds? Maybe you are trying to do her a favor. Maybe she doesn't realize she is fat? Maybe no one ever told her that she is fat and she doesn't know what the word "fat" means. Maybe she doesn't know that being fat is taboo in our society? In a situation such as this, it is your DUTY to call her fat.

Additionally, "that fat ginger girl" appears to be drinking all of the tea in your office. Relationships with your friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances are governed by a state of informal social checks and balances. If no one checks her rude behavior, it will continue. In order to bring peace back to your office, it will be necessary to put her in her place. Is it possible your actions won't be appreciated by anyone in your office? Yes. Could it be politically incorrect? Maybe. But. does that mean you did the wrong thing? No. Sometimes it is necessary to be politically incorrect.

When Mel Gibson was pulled over for drunk driving in L.A
, he eventually had to deal with a female station sergeant. Through the course of conversation (and somewhere in between a slew of inexplicable anti-semetic remarks) Mel called the officer "sugar tits." Did the officer appreciate this? No. Was it politically correct? Maybe. Maybe not. But, maybe it needed to be said! Maybe her tits were covered in such inordinate amounts of confectionery sugar, it would have been a crime not to call attention to it? Unfortunately, Mel's dispicable anti-semetic remarks overshadowed this, and we will never know.

So M, is it politically incorrect to call a ginger fat? Maybe. But should political corectness matter? No. Sometimes other factors outweigh political correctness. In this case I think it's necessary to call that fat bitch out. First thing Monday morning you go into your office and you call that tea hoarding ginger a fat skank. Don't worry about any negative consequences. King Tomato offers you his protection.

You are welcome to write back with more questions, M. Anyone else who has a question for "Oh Noble Scottimus" please email me at I will answer any question, no matter how bizarre. Until the next time...

1 comment:

ms. changes pants while driving said...

you are ridiculous and hilarious.