Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Homeless People

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Homeless people. Can't live with them, can't live....with.....them. Who's that smelly man sitting outside your office building? My dad? No, the guy next to my dad! Yeah! A homeless man! "Grumble, grumble give me money!" I'm sick of hearing about it!

In Europe you see homeless people/beggars kneeling on the street. They don't look you in the eye because they're ashamed to be begging for money. They ask you politely "Please sir, may I have some more porridge please." Well, maybe they ask for money instead of porridge, but you know what I mean. In America, homeless people have some serious cojones. They yell "Gimme some money! I'm hungry, gimme some money!" Sometimes I am tempted to go over to them and ask "How much money do you have? Nothing? I have over $130,000 in law school loans. So lets add this have zero dollars..... I have negative 130,000 dollars. How about you put some money in my cup?"

So where am I going with this? Well, if you are homeless and begging for money on the street, here are some things you can do to convince me to throw some coinage your way:
-Tell me a joke
-Perform a magic trick (Note: Taking off your pants and showing me your ding dong may be a trick but it is definitely not considered to be magic)
-Tell me a bizarre engaging story. It doesn't have to be real. It can involve time travel or aliens. Just give me a reason to sympathise with you
-Take a shower. No, not in front of me, but before you ask me for money. If you smell like a freshman college dorm bathroom on a sunday morning, I am going to run away from you as fast as possible

Now, I realize there aren't too many homeless people with laptops, who read my blog and are not mentally derranged. But, if I changed just one of your lives, this blog post will have been worth it.


Small Footprints said...

LOL! Love the photo!

Brought a sandwich to a homeless guy once ... he was holding a sign that said he was hungry and needed money. Guess someone else must have "fed" him because he wasn't interested in the sandwich ... just wanted the change. Hm!

Small Footprints

Kirsten said...

Good idea! I wouldn't mind an engaging story from a homeless person. Let's make them work a little for their money! :)

Alex L said...

Plenty of homeless people I know have laptops... maybe we need to stop breaking into peoples houses.

Anonymous said...

There's a guy who's been on the same corner all winter now with his cardboard sign. He has decent clothes and coats plus a small duffel bag. I don't believe he is homeless. I think that's how he makes money, being lazy off sympathy. He's still there when there are 4 "now hiring" signs within a block. I'm sorry, I don't have much sympathy if you can't or won't help yourself.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, this isn't as funny as it is sad. That there are still homeless people and with the economy going the way it is, there may be more joining the ranks of those displaced from mental hospitals. So much for the trickle-down theory.