Thursday, February 5, 2009

Sarah Palin Bloggers

Scott's Tip Of The Day: I was never one to badmouth Sarah Palin. Not because her religious views didn't scare me. Not because I didn't think she was simple and unintelligent. But because I always thought she kind of had a naughty school teacher thing going on and I liked that. Well, Sarah Palin, you have finally gone too far. What's this?

Are you blaming the results of the 2008 Presidential Election on anonymous bloggers? It's all us bloggers' fault. It had nothing to do with the Bush administration or its policies... or your wacked out belief system... or your running mate who is older than time itself. Nope. It was all us bloggers. Well, Sarah Palin, if I have to shoulder the blame for this, I am going to spread some falsehoods about you so at least I will deserve your criticism. I hope this comes back to haunt you in 2012.....

-Sarah Palin spent 1977-1979 locked in her room trying to construct a light saber with a quartz crystal she purchased in a local museum. She was unsuccessful.
-Sarah Palin feeds her children like a mama bird. She chews food, regurgutates it, and spits it into their mouths
-Sarah Palin coined the term "Kind Bud"
-Sarah Palin has starred in fourteen adult films
-Sarah Palin broke into the Anchorage Hospital Maternity Ward in September, 1989, and injected all of the newborn babies with AIDS
-Sarah Palin was arrested for sexually assaulting Richard Simmons with a cucumber in 1986
-Sarah Palin traded her first born child in 1981 for a copy of E.T. on Betamax. She accidentally recorded an episode of Dallas over it four years later.
-Sarah Palin and her husband have flown all over the world to attend deviant "furry" conventions
-Sarah Palin's favorite live act is The Wiggles
-Sarah Palin was born with a tail
-Sarah Palin only likes Jews because "Jews" sounds like "Juice" and Palin likes "Juice".
-Sarah Palin had an extramarital affair with Andy Dick
-After Sarah Palin contracted Hepatitis A, she decided to contract Hepatitis B and C because she wanted to collect em' all
-Sarah Palin never makes any important decisions without consulting her trusty secret decoder ring she found in a Cap'n Crunch Box in 1985.
-Sarah Palin formerly invited the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man to the Alaskan Governor's mansion after she watched Ghostbusters for the first time on DVD. Since then, she has been in an unconsolable depression for three years, largely due to the fact he never responded.
-Like myself, Sarah Palin cannot tell the difference between Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes.

So in conclusion, the tip of the day is to take responsibility for your own actions and not to blame your shortcomings on the blogosphere.


Anonymous said...

This is maybe my favorite thing ever. I promise to repost this on my blog in 2012.
Bloggers Unite!!

Jan said...

I thought all of those were quite credible, but you lost me on the E.T. on Betamax.

E.T. hit the theatres in 1982 (I know because I saw it, um, six times that summer) and wasn't released on home video until October 1988.

Damn, I love Google.

mine, by magpie said...

well, she did grow up playing the flute and the trombone. so, uh...she's got that going for her.

Suzie said...

I like your blog. What do you mean by a link exchange?

Middle Aged Woman said...

I am totally proud to take the credit...err...blame for Palin's defeat.

DEO said...

-Sarah Palin and her husband have flown all over the world to attend deviant "furry" conventions
Well, you had me going, they were ALL totally believable until I got to THIS one. Sarah Palin didnt get her passport until 2 months ago, the first dud, Toad, still doesnt have his, he is going to his GED first....

Sarah Palin-Tonya Harding 2012!

J. said...

You had me at "NOPE."

Laggin said...

Link exchange? Whatcha proposin?

Debbie said...

If she is blaming me, I'd just like to thank her.

Beej the Pink Sheep said...

Who hasn't had an extramarital affair with Andy Dick? That one isn't news.

Hepatitis: Collect 'em all!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Just goes to show how mentally unstable she seems to be. God if you guys in the US had known just how flaky she is you could have got her in, heck how do you follow someone as nutty as Bush? Why Ms Plain of course! You guys missed a trick!

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