Scott's Tip Of The Day: Every year Americans vote for the most desirable places to live in America. What cities end up on this list? New York, San Francisco, Chicago... for the most part places you would expect. That's great. But where should you never move under any circumstance? That's the million dollar question.... and that's why I compiled a list of the top three most undesirable places to live in America.
THREE: Salt Lake City
I have no problem with polygamy but when you water down my beer, then we have a problem. Not only does Salt Lake City stringently limit the alcohol content of beer served in bars, but if you want stronger alcohol you need to join a private club! What kind of hell on earth is this place!? Jesus turned water into wine. Jesus knew how to get his drink on!!! Why don't you honor his memory!
TWO: Staten Island
Don't be fooled by it's proximity to Manhattan. Why? Well, for one you can't drive from Staten Island to Manhattan, you have to take a ferry. It's cold, it doesn't run all night and its inconvenient. Staten Island contains one of the biggest garbage dumps in America. Everybody talks with awful newww yawwkkk accents. Wwhhhaatt? You gawwttaahhh walkkk yooouahhh dawgggg in the pawwwkkk? Do you actually speak like that? What? Why else shouldn't you move there? Because deep down inside every Staten Islander hopes to one day make it big and move out to New Jersey. YES! New Jersey! Most people are trying to move out of New Jersey, but Staten Islanders are trying to move in.* Staten Islanders ruin Atlantic City by polluting its clubs, and blackjack tables with cigarette smoke and hair spray. They also ruin the Jersey Shore. Staten Islanders ruin everything they touch, including Staten Island itself.
ONE: The Mississipi Delta
What do you get when you line up twenty people from the Mississipi Delta in a row? A full set of teeth! The Delta is arguably the scariest place in America. Are you Jewish? They have never seen your kind before. They may try killing you for your horns, which are presumably made of ivory. Are you from a Blue State? Well your taillight is out! What? It wasn't before? Well now it is! Do you go to church in a 20,000 seat arena where people speak tongues? Then there is probably no house of worship for you. On the bright side twenty dollars can prob buy you a pretty sweet shack and your welfare check should cover your barely wine expenses.
*Did you ever realize how you don't have to pay tolls to enter New Jersey but you have to pay tolls to leave the state? Do you think if it was a desirable place to live, that would be the case? New Jersey is trying to trap all passer-byers within its borders