Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Scott's Tip Of The Day: Not just anyone can be a role model. It takes a special type of person. "Scott, how can I be a role model?" Good question.
First - Learn to swim freakishly fast.
Second - Exhibit your swimming on a world stage. Preferably the Olympics. Win some Gold Medals.
Third - Go to strip clubs. Touch women inappropriately. Play high stakes poker in Las Vegas with the best poker players in the world. Go to college parties. Obtain marijuana. Put marijuana in giant bong in full view of camera. Smoke marijuana.
Fourth - Apologize for getting caught....Scratch that....Apologize for smoking marijuana. Ask for forgiveness.
"Scott, I can't swim, are there any other ways to become a role model?"
First - Get really good at professional basketball. Play for a long time. Be rude to kids who ask for your autograph at your games. Tell them you have agreements with certain companies and cannot sign cards that are not published by these companies.
Second - Periodically argue that you are not a role model and shouldn't be considered a role model, merely because you are a professional athlete.
Third - Retire from basketball. Become sports analyst. Contemplate running for political office at some point in the future.
Fourth - Incur massive gambling debts at casinos trying to recreate adrenaline rush you used to feel playing basketball.
Fifth - Drink enough alcohol to put your BAL over the legal limit. Drive recklessly fast in your car. Get pulled over by police. When approached by officer, explain that you were on your way to get oral sex from a woman who has previously given you the best oral sex of your life.
These are just a few ways to become a role model. There's more than one way to skin a cat. But, I think I gave you some good examples to work with. Good luck on your quest to become a role model!