Friday, February 13, 2009

Weatherman


Scott's Tip Of The Day: This tip goes out to all of you high school kids. A lot of you are trying to decide what to be when you grow up. Should I join the army? Can I make a living as an artist? What kind of job can I get that's secure in this troubled economy? Well, these are all good questions. My advice to you is to become a weatherman.

REASONS TO BECOME A WEATHERMAN
-Recession, Depression..... it doesn't matter, the news is still going to be on TV. Where there is broadcast news, there is a weatherman
-You get to call yourself a meteorologist. It sounds cooler than weatherman and makes good conversation when you are scamming ladies at the bars and clubs.
-You can consistently perform poorly at your job and not be fired. In fact, it's expected. Who actually expects it to snow 12 inches when the weatherman says it will? "Today is going to be partly cloudy with a chance of showers." What? Partly cloudy? What does that mean? Maybe there will be some clouds? There are going to be some clouds in some areas? The clouds will be there but they won't be too big? A chance of rain? What does that mean? Maybe it will rain? Why can't you just tell me if it is going to rain or not? "The temperature is going to be 20 degrees but with the windchill it is going to feel like 10." Ok, great. What the hell do I care what the actual temperature is if I can't feel the actual temperature. You're overcomplicating my life, man. Basically they're just saying "Look dude, I have no f**king idea what's going on, Broseph. Maybe some stuff will fall out of the sky? Who knows? I've been wrong before. Maybe you should bring an umbrella and a jacket?" Why wouldn't you want a job where you can get away with this?
-You get to be on TV.
-If you are bald, you will have to buy a wig or hair piece. The good news is since you need it for work, you can probably write it off as a tax deduction.

Become a weatherman. Sure, you might have to work in Lincoln, Nebraska, but at least you'll be working.

16 comments:

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Wouldn't it be politically correct to say weatherperson or maybe weatertechnican?

Scott said...

It would be. But if you read my other postings it would be hard to find one where I am not politically incorrect.

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Another bit of advice for would-be weathermen would be not to dip one's manhood into radioactive material, no matter how damn big it is. Dude in the photo may live to regret his, uh, glow.

Mia Watts said...

God that's funny.

Have a friend who calls them: Weatherguessers.

foutsc said...

I love it when they tell us something like "Be sure to put a coat on today!"

Thanks, but I can usually dress myself without the TV's help.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Yup a real non-job predicting the weather. You'd be better off using Mystic Meg and her crystal ball gazing skills - she'd be more accurate. They are pretty shite at their job really.

Steerforth said...

When I was a kid, the weathermen (and they were men in those days) used to talk about isobars and the Beaufort scale, standing in front of maps that didn't make any sense. It may have been complete nonsense, but it was reassuringly scientific.

Today's weather forecasters seem completely clueless. I don't want to know that it 'may' or 'might' be cold on Sunday. I want to be baffled by talk of two pressure front. Also, no colloquialisms like 'squally' showers or a 'cold snap'.

Ceci said...

you know, Oprah used to be a weatherperson... look at her now.
*nods *
Bazillionaire.

VE said...

Of course those low on the totem pole of weathermen have to stand out in every snow storm reporting every snowflake that falls. And they have to stand out there until it stops snowing and melts...

beth said...

"Walk tall and carry a big weather storm!". My mind's in the gutter!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Better yet, be a weatherman/woman in Florida where the weather is pretty much always the same. (for the most part)

Debbie said...

What great career advice! I will pass this along to my high school seniors:)

Broke But Still Drinking said...

And you'll always work around good looking people.

Juggle Jane said...

You know, I have been having a career-identity crisis as of late. This could be just the thing.... Do I need more schooling? I mean, if Jillian Barberie can do the weather, I KNOW I can!

Adam Pierce said...

ummm yeah i like jillian barbarie..what are u trying to say??lol she is always playing the greatest music she played that lonely island im on a boat today lmao

Anonymous said...

Browsing the archives when I came across this. I actually live in Lincoln. The weathermen are fairly accurate.