Thursday, April 9, 2009

Scott's Guide To Adoption

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Adopting babies. It's the latest craze. But not just any ordinary baby. American babies? No way! What if they aren't American but they are still white? Still no good. Look at Madonna. Look at Angelina. Who did they adopt? Yup, Exotic babies. Exotic babies are all the rage. Do you need a new accessory? Bracelets and earrings don't cut it anymore? People probably aren't impressed with that chihuahua you drag around all over the place. That is so last year. This year is all about babies. You're no one without an exotic baby. "But Scott, what kind of baby should I get?" Well, that's easy. Africa has been totally overdone. Same with Asia. What else is there? Eskimo babies!

Eskimo babies are born in an igloo so they are used to the cold. You really don't have to worry about heating their bedroom. Since energy is expensive, this will save you some cash. Do you like to eat fish? Eskimo's are excellent fishermen. You won't have to go to the fish market anymore. You will always have a fresh catch of the day. Eskimo's also hunt big animals like polar bears. Do you want a fur coat? Just ask little Eskimo baby to hunt you a bear and make you a fur coat. If you are questioned by the local authorities for hunting out of season/breaking laws, just say it's his culture. The police don't hate on Native Americans do they? No way! They give them casinos. What could go wrong?

For the aforementioned reasons an Eskimo baby is way cooler than any other type of adopted baby. Go out and get them while they last!


JPT said...

D'you know you may just be right.

Dalton J. Fox said...

I never realized there were so many advantages to getting an Eskimo baby. Thanks for the tip, Scott. I'll keep it in mind when I decide I need to adopt me a kid.

Michael said...

I've heard that you can win a bundle in the Eskimo lottery.

But you have to be Inuit to win, so that baby would come in handy.