Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Ginger or Mary Ann? -Scott's Third Letter


Thanks for such eruditely words of wisdom, don’t have a lot of time to respond today (busy taking care of this Chlamydia problem, and admit it, you used spellcheck to make sure I was right too….we’re even on the ten bucks)but I would like your detailed opinion on one of the most important debates of modern times.

Ginger or Mary Anne?


Spring hill, Fl by way of Jersey

Welcome back to the blog, James. You might just be my biggest fan. Well that 800 pound man who never leaves his bed is my biggest fan, but you can be my second biggest fan.

Before we continue, I just wanted to discuss something... Since you are a regular reader, you probably realize that I am all-knowing. Since I am all-knowing, I never have to use spell check for anything. So, James, I am sorry to say we are not even on the ten dollars. The juice is running. I want my money and I want it now, James. Enough with the run around. Give me my money!!!! In your first email you included your phone number and workplace so I know where to find you. Don't make me get my goons, James. I want my money! WHERE'S MY MONEY!?

Well, now that we have put that unpleasantness behind us, let's get to your question. First, how is Ginger vs. Mary Ann one of the most important debates of modern times? (BTW, there is no E in Mary Ann, at least the Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. Spell check didn't pick that up, did it? I WANT MY MONEY!) Evolution vs. Creationism. Socialized Health care vs Privatized Health care. These are debates! These are hot issues.

I mean look at the facts, James. Ginger is currently 75-years-old and Mary Ann is 70. What kind of twisted freak are you, James? Who would I rather bang, Grandma 1 or Grandma 2? Neither! How about a 20-something hotty. Emmanuelle Chiquiri or Jessica Biel? turn off TVLAND, James. There is plenty of great contemporary programming on the telly! No need to rub and tug to black and white sitcoms.

But for argument's sake, if I was captured by Dick Cheney and subsequently renditioned in an Egyptian prison, I would probably pick Ginger. Why? Simply because I found her more appealing. But honestly, I generally prefer not to hit on old ladies. Scott's rule to live by: If your love interest collects Social Security, then it's time to find a younger love interest.

I hope I answered your question (again), James. Feel free to keep writing me back. If anyone else has any questions for me, the all knowing Scott, I can be reached at ScottsTipOfTheDay@gmail.com. Please include your first name and location in your email. I would love to hear from you.
Until the next time...

1 comment:

Dalton J. Fox said...

Umm ... James ... I think Scott wants his money.