Thursday, June 25, 2009
Scott's Tip Of The Day: It's a sad day when Michael Jackson dies. Everybody loved him. Especially the American judicial system, for it's not often that judges give a child molester two second chances. But hey, if you recorded Thriller you would have gotten away with diddling kids too.
In the wake of all of this, a lot of people are upset. Rightfully so. There's like over a million peeps in England who bought tickets to see Jackson live that are SOL. Hopefully they get their money back. If they bought scalped tickets I imagine they are really screwed. Then there's Michael's family. His kids Blanket, Blanket 2 and Blanket 3, or Price Blanket or whatever they're called. Lucky for them, Michael's mom, Katherine Jackson, pumped 9 babies out of her vuh-jay jay (for future reference it's called birth control Katherine, you can find it in any pharmacy), so they should be able to find an Uncle or Aunt to watch over them. Don't leave them with Jermaine though. He named one of his kids Jermajesty. That by itself should be considered some kind of child abuse, but that's another can of worms all together.
And then, there's someone we're all forgetting. Bubbles. Am I the only one that remembers this chimp? Michael slept with him in his room. He let Bubbles use his private bathroom. Then Michael had children, Bubbles got violent and Michael sent Bubbles away. Where is Bubbles during all of this? Is he still in his animal sanctuary? I didn't read about his chauefer driving him in his Chimp Limo to the hospital. He must still be hurting. Maybe Bubbles was embarassed that he still wears diapers? Maybe he didn't think the hospital staff would let him in? NO CHIMPS ALLOWED. What a backwards world we live in. I don't want to live in a world where a chimp can't visit me in the hospital.
Anyway, Bubbles, Michael was a little loopy, so don't take it personally. You don't have a private bathroom in your animal sanctuary and I am sure it's embarassing having all of those chimps watch you poop on the ground, but Michael loved you. I love you too Bubbles. I understand it's only natural to want to bite a kid named Blanket. I feel the same way, and I may have tried to bite him too. Let's do dinner sometime, yes? Have your chimps call my people. I know a great place we can get a bannana split.