Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Unsolved Mysteries

Scott's Tip Of The Day: I dig. I dig real deep. I try to solve mysteries. I like to get to the bottom of things. I'm like Woodward and Bernstein. Combined. But sometimes my questions go unanswered. These are some of those questions:


Dear 3M,

Does 3M stand for Moron Moron Moron!? Why on earth would you put scotch in translucent tape? Don't you realize kids use this tape in school every day? I caught my 7-year-old kid, Keeshwan, licking the tape the other day. I said "Keeshwan, why you lick dat tape" and Keeshwan be all like "It's SCOTCH tape daddy! It got scotch in it!"

I grounded Keeshwan for drinking underage. At the very least you should please stop selling Scotch Tape to minors. It's dangerous.

I am a very concerned parent. Please address my concern or at the very least send me a coupon for more Scotch Tape. (It may be inappropriate for Keeshwan to eat it, but that doesn't preclude me!)

NO RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Letter sent to M&Ms:

Dear M&Ms,
I purchased M&Ms at a Duane Reade convenience store in NYC yesterday, only to find out they are selling counterfeit M&Ms. I suspected something was wrong when they charged me $3.00 for a normal sized package. But then, I open up the package and what do I find inside?
The M&Ms inside are not M's! They are W's. Somebody at Duane Reade must be playing a joke on me! Not only did they charge an exorbitant amount for these M&Ms. But they were not M's! They were W's. Duane Reade refused to refund me because I already opened the package. I said "let me speak with Mr. Reade. How would I have known these were faulty if I didn't open the package" They would hear none of it. Can I get a voucher for a free pack of M&Ms? I have always loved your candy and this is the first time I have encountered a problem in my 26+ years of eating M&Ms.


Sometimes, there just aren't any answers....

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