Monday, July 6, 2009

One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Everyone has heard a proverb or two. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. One man's trash is another man's treasure. But you know what? I have a problem with these proverbs. Why? I don't know who said them. I don't know the context. Maybe we're reading too much into them?

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
What if the bird is carrying bird flu? What do you intend to do with this bird? How do you know it doesn't have intestinal parasites? Are all of the birds of the same species? Is it a cockatoo or is it a crow? Do I have protective gloves on? What makes this bird so valuable in my hand? What kind of bush are these birds in? Wouldn't two birds in a rose bush be worth more than a bird in my hand? Who is appraising the value of these birds? What are his qualifications?

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
What kind of idiot lives in a glass house? What if he throws stones outside of the vicinity of his house? What if his house is made of bulletproof glass? Wouldn't someone who lives in a glass see-through house have more pressing issues to attend to? Like where am I going to change where people aren't going to see my ding dong? If this person isn't allowed to throw stones does this preclude him from stabbing people instead? Does this person have insurance on his house? Does his insurance cover stone damage?

One man's trash is another man's treasure.
Who is this man who finds my treasure so appealing? Is he homeless? Is he really qualified to appraise the value of second hand items? Believe me, the milk i threw out today, that expired 2 weeks ago, is no one's treasure. Even if I threw a shoe with holes out and a man started wearing that do you think he would call it "treasure?" No! He would say "Damn, I got a beat up shoe, it still sucks but it's better than nothing." That's not treasure. Treasure is gold coins. You find treasure where 'X' marks the spot. I learned that from pirates (they weren't Somalian).

Don't listen to proverbs if you don't know where they come from. Trust your source.
Here are some proverbs you can attribute to me:

-If it has an adam's apple and wears a skirt, and you're a straight guy, you're gonna get hurt
-They don't speak English, so take all their money, they can't report you, it will be funny
-Sex and strangulation poses a danger, instead sit on your hand. and give you a stranger
-If you are sad, then stab a clown, it will turn your frown upside down (or at least it will turn my frown upside down when you stab a clown)


Hit 40 said...

I don't like trying to figure out what the proverb meant!! Just don't like thinking for no reason. Just tell me what you want me to know.

I like your interview tips!!!

Hit 40 said...

You like my "mommy kinda" blog. Nice!!

Mr Egg said...

Hey Scott,
Just read some of your stuff, definitely pretty funny. For sure, let's help each other out; I added your blog onto my site.

Jenni said...

I read this entry with intentions to fill this space up with equally strange proverb, but, instead, I found this site and it seems more interesting.

Fairy Mae said...

You just slay me sometimes! Thanks for the read!