Friday, September 17, 2010
2010 Questions/Answers Installment 10
Scott's Tip Of The Day: I received the following email in my inbox this morning...
Who are you in real life? Do you have to go to the bathroom or do you have powers against it?
Can you swim? How many tips do you actually have? Will you have another tip tomorrow or
more tormentings (I am aware that this is not a real word) of people at Dell? I am here. I am
"Love Claire?" You signed your email "love?" Has our relationship grown that strong, that quickly? This is all going a little fast for me. I think we need to slow down and take stock of the situation. No, no, Claire. I know what you're thinking and it's not you, it's me.
Anyway, let me address your questions...
Who am I in real life? I'm Scott. I'm an attorney from NYC. My birthday is in a few weeks and I'll be 28. I love to travel, I love music, but I hate cauliflower.
I do go to the bathroom. A lot. I have a small bladder. Once I start drinking, forget about it. Unfortunately I have no ominous "powers against it."
I do know how to swim and I was on varsity swim team in high school. I swam 100 meter breast stroke and the breast stroke in the 200 meter medley relay. Growing up, I worked as a lifeguard and swim lesson instructor too. If you want tips on how to improve one of your strokes, take a video of yourself and send it in and I would be happy to give you some pointers. Seriously.
How many tips do I have? Enough to hold your attention for years and years, Claire. I'm an all knowing guru. I know everything worth knowing. Soon, you will too.
I am done with my series of Dell conversations. I have a few more, but they are not as amusing as the ones I posted and I wouldn't want to bore you.
Now, I have a question for you, Claire. In your email you said "Will you have another tip tomorrow or more tormentings (I am aware that this is not a real word) of people at Dell?" What are you implying? That people who work at Dell do not exist in the real world? Or is it just people from India? India is real. I have never been there but I am pretty sure it exists, even though I haven't seen it with my own two eyes. You better not be implying by blog doesn't exist in the real world. This is very real, Claire. Very real.
I don't like to think of what I do as "tormenting" either. These people get paid whether I kid around with them or not. I never personally attack them and I am a lot more fun than 99% of the people they talk to. I am doing them a favor.
When's my next tip? I'll provide you with tips as often as I can. Sometimes the real world gets in the way. I get kidnapped. Held for ransom. Shot. Caged. If you walked a day in my shoes you would see what I mean. I wear 10 1/2's. Can you fit in those?
I hope I answered your questions to your satisfaction. If anyone else has any questions please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
So after re-reading Claire's email I realize she said "real world" and not "real word." I am always right, so obviously it must have been some computer error. In any case, please ignore. In the meantime I will be breaking this computer to pieces. Thanks.