Friday, September 10, 2010
Don't Be Creepy
Scott's Tip Of The Day: As you guys know, you are always welcome to email me at email@example.com with any questions or concerns you might have. Everything from "Why does God Hate me?" (Because you're ugly) to "How do I get my head out from between these rails?" (Jaws of life). But you know what I don't want? Emails like this:
My beloved Dearest One,
I am more than happy coming across an interesting profile/email as yours, Let me start here by saying compliment of the day to you and I hope you are doing fine as I am over here? It will be of a great honor if you could respond to my message and I guess that will give me a good chance of introducing my very simple self to you and you as well introduce your self to me. It will be of a joy if we could simply take our time to learn about each other by starting to be good friends, share pictures, share ideas and dreams, talking about our personal life, secrets, sharing our happiness and sadness and more. To be open and honest to you it’s really interest me to be your friend through this communication as we see what it will be in the near future. If you really do not mind I will like to ask you for a favor and I guess you will be asking what favor by now right? Please kindly take your time to write me back through my personal email address AT: doctoreTomY2K@yahoo.com for easy and better communication. I have a lot to share with you, so I can go ahead to write on and on but I have to stop here at the moment waiting to hear from you as a sign that you are willing to be my friend too. For now have a blessed day with many kisses and hugs bye for now.
Yours Sincerely Friend To Be.
DR. TOM FRANKY CLEM
I am pretty sure this is spam, but not 100% positive so I think it makes sense to address this and clear the air. I really don't know what to make of this Dr. Tom Clem. You are awfully friendly for a stranger. It kind of sounds like you just popped six pills of ecstasy and decided to go surfing on the internet. Since I don't know you, I am not related to you and I am fairly certain I am heterosexual, I am going to politely decline the kisses and hugs you offered me. I wish I could say I appreciate the gesture, but honestly you kind of gave me the heebie jeebies.
So readers, I would love to hear from you. but please. PLEASE. Don't be creepy.
I decided to write back to Dr. Tom
If you want to be my friend you must answer the following questions:
1)What are you a doctor of?
2)Have you ever eaten frickles? Those are fried pickles. If not you must eat one before you email me back and tell me what you think. If you have already have eaten them, I don't care. Make some Goddamn frickles and eat them and tell me what you think of them anyway. I want a picture of you making the frickles and another picture of you putting them in your mouth.
3)A train leaves San Diego, CA at 9:34AM traveling 19 miles an hour. Another train leaves on the same day from new York City at 5:39 AM. Please keep in mind CA is on Western Time which is 3 hours behind NY. Now, if both trains are heading toward each other, how long will it take before they crash head on? Please look at the railroad map, as they can't take the most direct route, which would be a straight line. They must travel on already existing train tracks.
Dr. Tom. Answer me these questions correctly and we can be friends. Please don't forget to show you work on question number 3.