Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Dell Customer Service Chats Volume 4

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Namaste! So a recap. In 2005, I went to lawschool and owned a Dell laptop. My computer's harddrive broke twice. My AC adapter broke. My laptop bag broke. And now (drum roll please) ethernet broke. What follows is my conversation with a Dell tech support guy. This is the final chapter in the Dell Customer Service Chats series. I hope you have enjoyed it.

Welcome to Dell Chat. Please wait for an available agent. You will be notified when your chat is accepted by an agent.
The session has been accepted.
{Dario 6:59:44 AM}
Thank you for contacting Dell Hardware Warranty Support. MY name is Dario. May I have your name and the telephone number as on our records ?

{ 6:59:53 AM} hi Dario! I like your name!
{ 7:00:01 AM} What kind of name is Dario!?
{ 7:00:09 AM} My problem is When i open my internet connections no LAN Shows up only a wireless, how do i get this lan to show up? what driver do i need to install?

{Dario 7:00:09 AM} Thank you.
{Dario 7:00:13 AM} May I have your full name and phone number as on the records?
{ 7:00:23 AM} scott CENSORED
{Dario 7:00:31 AM} May I also have the address on the account please?

{ 7:00:39 AM} CENSORED
{ 7:00:51 AM} it's me I promise
{ 7:01:06 AM} I yam who i yam, popeye used to say that
{ 7:01:18 AM} So you think you can help me with this little problem I have?

{Dario 7:01:42 AM} Yes. scott.

{ 7:01:45 AM} Nobody knows how to fix it, Fred didn't and Elmira didn't and Sally certainly didn't, all Sally does is cry these days

{Dario 7:01:54 AM} But before that May I have the address to which the system was shipped?

{ 7:02:10 AM} i gave it to you Dario! CENSORED
{ 7:02:23 AM} That is where it was shipped, it was shipped there in a box

{Dario 7:02:29 AM} But I do have a different address on the account.

{ 7:02:33 AM} OH
{ 7:02:36 AM} I have a new address

{Dario 7:02:39 AM} I have a Westbury address.

{ 7:02:42 AM} Is it CENSORED

{Dario 7:02:45 AM} Thank you for the verification.
{Dario 7:02:50 AM} Thank you for the verification.

{ 7:02:53 AM} That is not where it was shipped Dario!
{ 7:02:58 AM} That is my new address! You misspoke!

{Dario 7:03:07 AM} I apologize.

{ 7:03:11 AM} I answered your question correctly! You just asked the wrong question
{ 7:03:23 AM} It's ok, I am in a good mood, so I won't yell or get crazy

{Dario 7:03:34 AM} Scott,as I understand there is no ethernet driver listed,am I right?

{ 7:03:49 AM} You are 100 percent right Dario

{Dario 7:03:52 AM} Since when are you facing this problem?

{ 7:04:05 AM} since my harddrive broke for the second time, you sent me a new one
{ 7:04:11 AM} or dell did rather

{Dario 7:04:15 AM} Okay.

{ 7:04:21 AM} i lost all my music too
{ 7:04:28 AM} Do you like music? I lost all of it

{Dario 7:04:35 AM} I apologize for the inconvenience.

{ 7:04:40 AM} I have this band called "Everyday I break pineapples over my head"

{Dario 7:04:41 AM} I can understand the way you are feeling. I would have felt the same way had I been in your situation

{ 7:04:45 AM} We are really big in Kentucky
{ 7:04:51 AM} I lost our demo when my computer crashed

{Dario 7:04:53 AM} Woderful.

{ 7:05:00 AM} yeah, losing it wasn't too great
{ 7:05:07 AM} I play the kazoo, the guitar and the skin flute

{Dario 7:05:11 AM} Yes,I do understand.
{Dario 7:05:16 AM} Great.

{ 7:05:24 AM} yeah, do you play any instruments?

{Dario 7:05:43 AM} Unfortunately,No
{Dario 7:05:50 AM} But I like music.

{ 7:06:00 AM} Oh yeah? What are your favorite bands?

{Dario 7:06:30 AM} Metallica,Linkin Park and so on.

{ 7:06:59 AM} Ah, Yes, you like the hard stuff!

{Dario 7:07:06 AM} yes.

{ 7:07:10 AM} Stuff you can bang your head to and just rock out! Rock out!!!!!

{Dario 7:07:14 AM} yeah.

{ 7:07:25 AM} awesome, are you in America or India?

{Dario 7:07:31 AM} India.

{ 7:07:40 AM} I bet metallica doesn't tour there too often

{Dario 7:07:47 AM} Yeah.

{ 7:08:03 AM} i live around NYC it's nice, every band hits here when they are on tour
{ 7:08:14 AM} NYC = new york city in case you didn't know
{ 7:08:25 AM} I don't know if the abbreviation is common knowledge
{ 7:08:44 AM} we don't learn abbreviations in primary school, you have to take courses on it in college in america

{Dario 7:08:47 AM} It is common Knowledge here.
{Dario 7:08:54 AM} Yes,I know.
{Dario 7:09:11 AM} Have you installed all the other drivers after installing XP?

{ 7:09:19 AM} Yeah everything else appears to be in working order

{Dario 7:09:49 AM} Are you chatting from the same system?

{ 7:10:03 AM} yes, my wireless works

{Dario 7:10:07 AM} Okay.
{Dario 7:10:10 AM} Click Start, and then right click My Computer and click Properties.
Click Hardware tab on top of the new window.
Click Device Manager right in the middle of the window. The device manager window will pop up.
{Dario 7:10:21 AM} Then click on network adapter.

{ 7:10:22 AM} I am on a wireless network

{Dario 7:10:25 AM} Okay.

{ 7:10:28 AM} I am actually in class in Law school right now!
{ 7:10:36 AM} i am bored so i figured i would solve this problem

{Dario 7:10:38 AM} Okay.
{Dario 7:10:57 AM} Go to the device manager and click on network adapter.

{ 7:11:09 AM} ok
i am there!
{ 7:11:24 AM} there is a big yellow question mark next to 02microsmartcardbus reader

{Dario 7:11:25 AM} Which are the drivers listed?
{Dario 7:11:29 AM} Okay.

{ 7:11:34 AM} but the wireless connection looks cool
{ 7:11:45 AM} Cool as a cucumber, do you have cucumbers in India? Pickles?

{Dario 7:12:04 AM} Yes,we do have cucumbers here.
{Dario 7:12:13 AM} Do you see Broadcom driver listed?

{ 7:12:14 AM} I bet they are good!

{Dario 7:12:21 AM} Yes,they are.
{Dario 7:12:25 AM} Do you see Broadcom driver listed?

{ 7:12:38 AM} no i have intel pro wireless listed then other devices has a question mark and under that all there is is 02 micro smartcardbus reader

{Dario 7:12:45 AM} Okay.
{Dario 7:13:07 AM} I will give you the links to install both Broadcom and the 02 micro smartcardbus reader drivers.

{ 7:13:17 AM} oh great
{ 7:13:20 AM} thank you

{Dario 7:13:27 AM} You are welcome.

{ 7:13:40 AM} How did you get so good at solving these problems?

{Dario 7:13:43 AM} O2 micro cardbus driver

{ 7:13:49 AM} You guys always answer my questions

{Dario 7:13:56 AM} With a lot of training.

{ 7:14:01 AM} it boggles my mind! I could spend 5 years and i wouldn't know

{Dario 7:14:03 AM} And also working on issues.

{ 7:14:06 AM} is the training boring?

{Dario 7:14:17 AM} No,on the contrary it is very exciting.
{Dario 7:14:24 AM} You get to know a lot of things.

{ 7:14:42 AM} yeah knowing stuff is the coolest

{Dario 7:14:46 AM} Yes.
{Dario 7:15:08 AM} Did you receive the link for the O2 cardbus driver?

{ 7:15:16 AM} i did, i just need one more link i think

{Dario 7:15:20 AM} Yes.
{Dario 7:15:48 AM} Broadcom driver
{Dario 7:15:49 AM} Click on the link and then save the file on the desktop screen.
{Dario 7:16:07 AM} Then double click on the files that you have saved and install them.

{ 7:16:21 AM} awesome
{ 7:16:29 AM} do you get to listen to metallica at work
{ 7:16:40 AM} Do you have to wear a tie or can you go in a hawaiin shirt?

{Dario 7:16:57 AM} No,the dress code is not Formal.

{ 7:17:11 AM} oh awesome, can you talk to babes online when you are at work?

{Dario 7:17:15 AM} Yes,I do listen to metallica at work.

{ 7:17:20 AM} wow what a job
{ 7:17:43 AM} You listen to music and just kick back in your hawaiin shirt, next thing you will tell me is you can drink bloody mary's and screwdrivers!
{ 7:17:47 AM} that would be the best job ever

{Dario 7:17:59 AM} No,I would not be able to talk to babes online while at work.

{ 7:18:21 AM} if a hot woman asked me for technical help i would just tell her to fly out to india and i would show her personally
{ 7:18:32 AM} i bet you some women would

{Dario 7:18:43 AM} Okay,thank you.

{ 7:18:44 AM} you should try it!
{ 7:18:54 AM} do you work with any hot babes in the office?

{Dario 7:20:10 AM} I certainly work with female colleagues

{ 7:20:26 AM} well some of them must be physically attractive
{ 7:20:41 AM} I am sure they are all mentally stimulating but I bet a select few are "hot mamas"

{Dario 7:23:00 AM} Well,I would not be able to comment on your terminoligies.

{ 7:23:17 AM} Hahaha you are smart! they probably monitor your conversations
{ 7:23:48 AM} You will go far in business if you don't get anyone pregnant, I was going to be a successful business tycoon but i got 3 girls pregnant
{ 7:24:09 AM} then they ask for money
{ 7:24:14 AM} all women want is money and clothes
{ 7:24:25 AM} How much can they shop, Dario, how much can they shop!?
{ 7:25:33 AM} Do any of your friends call you Oreo? Can I call you Oreo, Dario?

{Dario 7:26:10 AM} Is there anything else I can assist you with the system ?

{ 7:26:31 AM} I am sorry you don't like my conversation Oreo
{ 7:26:43 AM} I will work on it, I guess I am terribly boring :-(

{Dario 7:26:48 AM} No,I do like it.

{ 7:27:09 AM} I have another question about my computer yes

{Dario 7:27:19 AM} Yes

{ 7:27:36 AM} So there is a little black splotch on the bottom of my screen, i think the pixels are broken or something
{ 7:27:41 AM} its very small but it is always black
{ 7:27:47 AM} i guess i need a new screen eh?

{Dario 7:27:58 AM} Since when is the pixel on the screen?

{ 7:28:09 AM} a few days ago
{ 7:28:16 AM} it isnt big, but i would guess i cant fix it

{Dario 7:28:24 AM} Do you have an external monitor with you?

{ 7:28:27 AM} i dont know if it is worth getting a new screen for it
{ 7:28:31 AM} No I am in class!
{ 7:28:35 AM} i dont even have one at home

{Dario 7:28:51 AM} Okay.
{Dario 7:29:03 AM} Have you checked the pixel in the bios?

{ 7:29:11 AM} If i had a additional external monitor i probably would have sold it for money to go to the titty bar
{ 7:29:16 AM} Oh no, how do i do that

{Dario 7:29:38 AM} Restart the system and hit the F2 key as soon as you see the Dell logo.
{Dario 7:29:46 AM} You would be in the bios screen.
{Dario 7:30:10 AM} Check the pixel there.

{ 7:30:24 AM} Bios, man computers are so complicated

{Dario 7:30:59 AM} You can also check this link for more information

{ 7:31:29 AM} man you have a link for everything
{ 7:31:36 AM} I dont even know what bios means
{ 7:31:40 AM} i thought you meant biography
{ 7:31:47 AM} Like my computer wrote a biography
{ 7:31:55 AM} Which would be cool, but i mean kind of crazy

{Dario 7:32:23 AM} BIOS is Basic Input and Output System.

{ 7:32:45 AM} Dario, would you agree that SpaceJam is the worst movie of all time?

{Dario 7:34:07 AM} Scott,I have not watched the Movie.

{ 7:34:18 AM} don't, it's horrible!

{Dario 7:34:34 AM} Okay.
{Dario 7:34:35 AM} Is there anything else I can assist you with the system ?

{ 7:34:51 AM} well lets see we talked about bios, my ethernet card.....
{ 7:35:07 AM} if i want to play music on my computer what is the best program?
{ 7:35:12 AM} is winamp the best? what do you use?

{Dario 7:35:33 AM} You can use Winamp or windows media player.

{ 7:35:46 AM} what do YOU use, you are the local expert

{Dario 7:36:18 AM} I use Winamp at Home.

{ 7:36:32 AM} do they not let you download it on your computer at work?

{Dario 7:37:49 AM} No,I am not supposed to listen to music while I work.

{ 7:38:18 AM} hahaha i won't tell anyone, Oreo!
{ 7:38:38 AM} Do you use an american keyboard
{ 7:39:16 AM} how do I say "hello" in indian?

{Dario 7:40:24 AM} Namaste.
{Dario 7:40:29 AM} Is there anything else I can assist you with the system ?

{ 7:40:45 AM} I guess not! Boy, you are in a rush oreo!
{ 7:40:51 AM} Trying to get me out of here!
{ 7:41:04 AM} I am sorry! I am just making friendly conversation!
{ 7:41:14 AM} I figure you get bored at work and talk to mean people

{Dario 7:41:16 AM} No problem,Scott.

{ 7:41:20 AM} So i would go out of my way to be nice
{ 7:41:55 AM} You should lighten up, take it easy, life is too short to go crazy work work working!

{Dario 7:42:36 AM} Okay.
{Dario 7:42:56 AM} When you end the session by clicking the END button at the bottom of the screen, you will receive an invitation to take part in our customer feedback survey. Please spend a minute of your time in providing us with your valuable feedback. This would help us in improving our services." The survey will be on a scale of 1 to 9 where 9 is the best and 1 is the least

{ 7:43:01 AM} I will let you go, I can tell you are a go getter
{ 7:43:09 AM} you want to help the world
{ 7:43:18 AM} Like many young idealistic people
{ 7:43:42 AM} But soon you will realize your efforts have gone in vain, and despite all the help you try to provide, people will still complain about their computers and technical support
{ 7:43:52 AM} You can't please everyone Oreo! Remember that!

{Dario 7:44:22 AM} Okay.

{ 7:44:41 AM} Anyway it was nice talking to you, thanks for the help Oreo!
{ 7:45:01 AM} stay away from milk or you'll get soggy SOGGGGYYYYYYYY

{Dario 7:45:02 AM} You are welcome.
{Dario 7:45:11 AM} Thank you for visiting Dell Technical Support online chat and allowing me the opportunity to assist you. Also, feel free to visit us again at
{Dario 7:45:16 AM} Have a nice day.

So what's the moral here? If your name is Dario, I'm probably going to call you Oreo. Oh, and "Namaste" means hello in Indian. There you go, you just learned something.


Kyra said...

bahaha that's awesome

Ginger said...

haha that's freaking hilarious!
God i wish i had the guts to do that, instead i shall live vicariously through you and other quick thinkers :)
thanks for the laugh

Ankita (Gg) said...

Anyway I didn't learn anything new. I'm Indian.
Btw, Namaste is hello in just a few of the Indian languages, including the National Language Hindi. But there are so many languages here (22 official), and each has so many dialects... So there are varations of the greeting as well. Now you learnt something!

Kev D. said...

Dario is neither American nor Indian, I wonder why he chose that as his americanified name?

Hopefully he's a big Suspiria fan.

roguez4lifez said...

are you rex enough for tech support?

Shanimal said...

Is this embarrassing? of the CDs I have in my car right now is the Space Jam soundtrack. For real.

Click to Call Me said...

"If your name is Dario, I'm probably going to call you Oreo..."

That sounds good to me hehehehe.

raj said...

this is funny! at least you get to have a conversation with the person. LOL, interesting very interesting.

Lola Belle said...


Stephanie said...

OMG I was cracking're awesome.

Kerri said...

This class that you were in must have been the most boring class ever..... I do have to say though, kudos for Oreo because he was quite patient with you....haha. By the way I think SpaceJam was alright......def. not the worst movie