Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Jack Daniels



Scott's Tip Of The Day: Don't write letters to Jack Daniels expecting a response. After waiting about a week, I have come to terms with the fact that a response is unlikely. If per chance they do respond I will update this blog entry and post the reply.

Anyway, this is what I wrote them....


Dear Jack Daniels,

Yesterday was my 21st birthday. We don't usually celebrate birthdays where I come from (Swaziland) so it was a momentous occasion. My family and I recently moved to New Jersey and I am having a great time learning about the United States.

My birthday was actually the first time I ever consumed alcohol. My father bought me a bottle of Jack Daniels for this special day and he told me this was a very American drink. A special drink that when consumed in large quantities could make me extremely happy. I thanked my father. I drank a pint glass of Jack Daniels. I was expecting it to taste like Coca Cola but it was very harsh going down. I gagged a few times but I did not want to disappoint my father so I consumed the whole glass. Shortly thereafter, I became very dizzy and vomited. My father got very disappointed in me and questioned my masculinity. It was very very embarrassing. Did I do something wrong when consuming your beverage? Is it possible that there was something wrong with it? Please let me know. My father and I are not currently on speaking terms because I refuse to finish the bottle.

Thanks.


Who works in customer service over there? You have a quality control issue on your hands! Snap to it!

15 comments:

Suicide Kitten said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You should send a follow up email and tell them your father forced you to move back to Swaziland because you need to have your ancestral rituals in the mountains to make you a man. The rituals consist of you being snipped in a sensitive area and banished to live in the mountains for two weeks, with no food and no water, to fend for yourself and if you come back you are a man. True story. :) Ok except for the fact that the rituals usually occur when you hit puberty, but hey they don't need to know that. You might be a late bloomer :) xo

Bouncin' Barb said...

Maybe it was a conspiracy that killed Janis Joplin? Everybody assumed it was a heroin overdose but she was pretty damn fond of Jack Daniels. OMG? what if that's what killed her? I may need to go into hiding for saying that and causing a secret investigation into the true cause of her death!!! Will you be my lawyer if I need one?

Scott said...

Bouncin' Barb....

It was Southern Comfort, not Jack Daniels. Come on Barb!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Oh shit. See what you've done now? My brain cells really are damaged from all the pot and LSD. I just couldn't stop myself. That must be what Janis said....?? Hey I'm soon to be 50..does that make up for the blunder???

Scott said...

See what I've done now? You are the one who killed your brain cells! Don't put this all on me!

It's OK. I forgive you.

Bouncin' Barb said...

It was the 70's Scott. I couldn't stop myself. Thank you for the forgiveness.

Hairburger said...

lol, I wouldn't expect a reply soon. Although they may take pity and send you one of those tiny bottles. The ones for children, you know.

Ankita (Gg) said...

Ah well, pity on the poor companies whose products and services you ever touched.
I wouldn't answer, if I were Jack Daniels.
You're definitely in need of therapy... you're obsessed with insulting customer service. lolz.

Jenni said...

Where do you find the time to come up with this stuff? Aren't you a busy big shot attorney?

Scott said...

Jenni,

It takes five minutes to write a letter. Even a busy attorney has 5 minutes.

roguez4lifez said...

meh, not my taste

tic tac said...

Animal house rocks,I wish I was drinking jack Daniels right now.Oh wait I'm more of a captain Morgans guy.They should reply with(its an acquired taste) and save some face.

Scarlet said...

Let's be realistic Scott... They work for a booze company... Any sensible person working for a booze company would be dedicating themselves to drinking, not answering customer enquiries!!!

Suicide Kitten said...

Ankita (Gg),

It is their job to answer complaint letters no matter how outrageous (they get paid for it) and it is Scott‘s self-inflicted obligation to entertain us with his insanity. Besides, he didn't insult them once during the letter :) They proved their incompetence as a customer service provider when they failed to reply. If I worked for Jack Daniels I would get a kick out of it and send him free booze :)

xo

brookeamanda said...

I couldn't concentrate on reading the post b/c my panties got wet just looking at John Belushi. I used to have the biggest crush on him. The good ones always die young:(