Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Dell Customer Service Chats Volume 2

Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you have read my previous blog entries, then you know that I had a lot of problems with my Dell laptop computer in law school. I had numerous online conversations with Dell tech representatives and saved them. What follows is another choice conversation. For the record, the breakup mentioned in this conversation was purely fiction. I did not date a 7-foot-tall basketball player.

Welcome to Dell Chat. Please wait for an available agent. You will be notified when your chat is accepted by an agent.
The session has been accepted.

{TARUN_VAISH 3:19:19 PM} At the end of this interaction you may be offered the opportunity to provide me with feedback. In order to do so you will need to click the "End Chat" button rather than using the "X" at the top of the screen. You may rate this interaction on a scale of 1 to 9 (1 being worst and 9 being best). I appreciate your feedback.
Thank you for contacting Dell Consumer Customer Care Chat. My name is Tarun. How may I help you today ?

{ 3:19:42 PM} my harddrive broke, you sent me a new one, you billed me for the old one
{ 3:19:49 PM} i gather you want my old harddrive back
{ 3:20:15 PM} is this assumption correct?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:20:47 PM} Yes, you have to sent the defective hard drive.
{TARUN_VAISH 3:20:53 PM} For security and verification purposes, I need your initial billing address and phone# on account, would you be kind enough to provide me the information?

{ 3:21:36 PM} CENSORED
{ 3:21:46 PM} those are the original address and telephone numbers, though they have changed
{ 3:21:55 PM} I broke up with my girlfriend, now i live somewhere else
{ 3:22:34 PM} we got into a big fight, she told me i am good for nothing, i am like the housekeeper takes care of the house you are the working woman what do you want from me but she called me lazy..... she didnt understand
{ 3:22:42 PM} in any case i live in New york now, no more connecticut for me

{TARUN_VAISH 3:22:55 PM} Thank you for the information.

{ 3:23:19 PM} yeah my girlfriend wants me to move back now
{ 3:23:29 PM} but i told her no, she makes me move, now she wants me back
{ 3:23:37 PM} are the girls like that in india too?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:24:02 PM} I really felt sorry for you.

{ 3:24:18 PM} what are the ladies like in india?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:24:42 PM} I can understand your position Scott.

{ 3:24:44 PM} in america, they make you buy them expensive gifts and if you don't they refuse to "have relations" with you

{TARUN_VAISH 3:25:31 PM} Scott, there is good and bad people everywhere.

{ 3:25:46 PM} yeah, she totally is a bad person, what was I thinking!?
{ 3:25:58 PM} Oh man Tarun, you are so wise
{ 3:26:04 PM} can you help me with my dell problem

{TARUN_VAISH 3:26:10 PM} Thank you. Scott.
{TARUN_VAISH 3:26:29 PM} Sure , please elaborate your issue.

{ 3:26:43 PM} well i basically need the deliveryman to pick up my harddrive
{ 3:26:53 PM} i dont really know hhow to do that, he came to my neighbors house yesterday
{ 3:26:58 PM} i asked him to bring it to you guys
{ 3:27:07 PM} and he told me he couldnt
{ 3:27:18 PM} and i am like come on man, that is your job, you deliver things
{ 3:27:23 PM} but he told me that isn't how it works
{ 3:27:55 PM} so how do i get this harddrive back to you?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:28:22 PM} Please do not worry Scott.
{TARUN_VAISH 3:28:34 PM} I am here to help you.

{ 3:28:40 PM} i couldnt afford to pay like 200 dollars to do this
{ 3:28:49 PM} i didnt sleep last night
{ 3:28:54 PM} thank God they have people like you to help me
{ 3:29:08 PM} otherwise the bill collector would come and break my legs, like that time i couldnt pay off a gambling debt

{TARUN_VAISH 3:29:23 PM} I am initiating a request for the return of the hard drive and you do not have to pay any return charges.

{ 3:29:52 PM} Man, you are like a genie in a bottle, i just ask you for help and you fix my problems
{ 3:30:12 PM} You should have your own business where you just "fix situations" for people

{TARUN_VAISH 3:30:23 PM} Thank you for the compliment. Scott.

{ 3:30:45 PM} anytime, you can call me Colonel Scott if you want
{ 3:30:51 PM} I was in the Army for awhile
{ 3:30:59 PM} I commanded troops over in Vietnam

{TARUN_VAISH 3:31:06 PM} Sure, Colonel Scott.
{TARUN_VAISH 3:31:36 PM} It was nice to hear Colonel that you served for your country.
{TARUN_VAISH 3:31:45 PM} Please confirm me the address from where the material needs to be picked up.

{ 3:32:01 PM} Yeah, it was tough, humping a 90 pound backpack in the rice paddies, running from charlie

{ 3:32:11 PM} have you served for the Indian military?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:33:08 PM} No, Scott, I did not get this opportunity .

{ 3:33:41 PM} it's crazy, war is hell man, war is hell
{ 3:33:51 PM} how do you like your job at dell?
{ 3:34:06 PM} The material needs to be picked up from

{TARUN_VAISH 3:34:32 PM} Thank you for the confirmation. Colonel Scott.

{ 3:34:46 PM} what do your friends call you for short Tarun?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:34:46 PM} Please allow me a 1-2 minutes to process the request.

{ 3:34:53 PM} Can I call you Tarmeister?
{ 3:35:08 PM} Or Mix master Tarun

{TARUN_VAISH 3:35:21 PM} They call me Tarun. Yes you can Scott.

{ 3:35:31 PM} Awesome!
{ 3:36:33 PM} So do you work with cool peoeple at dell? Do you work with any cute girls?
{ 3:36:59 PM} there were no cute girls in the military in vietnam it was horrible, we ended up just buying prostitutes in random cities we came across

{TARUN_VAISH 3:37:16 PM} Yes, all are very helpful .

{ 3:37:24 PM} but are they babes!?
{ 3:37:31 PM} do they have nice figures

{TARUN_VAISH 3:37:35 PM} The UPS will come to pick up the items from you.

{ 3:37:38 PM} do they wink at you
{ 3:37:41 PM} or blow kisses?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:38:06 PM} The pick-up will be done on next business day during business hours between : 9:00AM to 5:00PM CST.
{TARUN_VAISH 3:38:15 PM} The UPS reference # is CENSORED
{TARUN_VAISH 3:38:21 PM} Write the reference number on the box in which you return the item.
{TARUN_VAISH 3:38:25 PM} They will email you confirming the pickup and mentioning timing and date of pickup.
If you need to change the pickup time or date, please call UPS at 1-800-742-5877

{ 3:38:57 PM} if i am not there can i leave a note?
{ 3:39:44 PM} i may not be home, should i just leave a box with a note

{TARUN_VAISH 3:39:50 PM} Scott, You can call UPS and fix the appointment for the pick up.

{ 3:39:56 PM} is friday a business day?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:40:13 PM} Yes, friday is a business day.

{ 3:40:19 PM} i work everyday, it is hard to keep track
{ 3:40:30 PM} i mean i work on saturday so i say "hey, saturday should be a business day too"
{ 3:40:35 PM} but people just tell me i am crazy
{ 3:40:41 PM} Do you think I am crazy Mix master Tarun?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:40:55 PM} No Scott, Not at all.

{ 3:41:09 PM} Please call me Colonel Scott!
{ 3:41:15 PM} I worked hard to earn my rank!

{TARUN_VAISH 3:41:25 PM} Sorry, Colonel Scott!

{ 3:41:30 PM} thank you!

{TARUN_VAISH 3:41:54 PM} You are most welcome.

{ 3:42:08 PM} do you play cricket?
{ 3:42:37 PM} i hear indians like to play cricket
{ 3:42:47 PM} in america we have baseball. i dont understand cricket

{TARUN_VAISH 3:43:00 PM} Yes I do play cricket.

{ 3:43:16 PM} Wow, do you play for one of the big teams in India?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:43:43 PM} No, at domestic level only.

{ 3:43:59 PM} do you think you could make one of those big teams?
{ 3:44:12 PM} I bet you could
{ 3:44:16 PM} You should try out!
{ 3:45:09 PM} how come india never makes the soccer world cup?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:45:18 PM} Thank you for the appreciation.

{ 3:45:34 PM} do you call soccer football in india or soccer?
{ 3:46:09 PM} my exgirlfriend was a professional basketball player, she was 7 feet tall!!!!!! But she is the one that kicked me out of her house
{ 3:46:14 PM} we dont really talk anymore

{TARUN_VAISH 3:46:16 PM} Mainly Football but some call it soccer also.

{ 3:46:22 PM} that's confusing!
{ 3:46:43 PM} some people in america call soccer Polly-dongle
{ 3:46:50 PM} i dont know how it got started
{ 3:47:19 PM} i prefer soccer, i think polly-dongle sounds silly
{ 3:48:12 PM} in Vietnam we played these vietnamese in soccer once, we said, lets put our guns down and whoever wins the game gets the territory, the other people have to walk away

{TARUN_VAISH 3:48:23 PM} Yes , you are correct.

{ 3:48:25 PM} so when they put their guns down we shot em
{ 3:49:06 PM} all is fair in love and war my friend!

{TARUN_VAISH 3:49:48 PM} True Colonel Scott.

{ 3:50:21 PM} Does india have submarines?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:50:31 PM} Yes,
{TARUN_VAISH 3:50:50 PM} Is there anything else I can assist you with?

{ 3:51:01 PM} do they use dell computers on the submarines?
{ 3:51:07 PM} have you ever had to work on a submarine?
{ 3:51:13 PM} in america they dont let women work on submarines
{ 3:51:21 PM} because of the close quarters

{TARUN_VAISH 3:52:50 PM} Ok.

{ 3:52:56 PM} Is Vaish your last name?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:53:12 PM} Yes,It is my surname.

{ 3:53:35 PM} well i have a few more questions
{ 3:53:54 PM} do you have apple trees in india?
{ 3:54:20 PM} have you ever ridden on a giraffe before? we dont have giraffes in america

{TARUN_VAISH 3:54:24 PM} Yes, we do have apple trees.

{ 3:54:30 PM} have you ever eaten giraffe? what does it taste like?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:54:43 PM} No , Colonel Scott.

{ 3:55:05 PM} what time does the sun set in india?
{ 3:55:33 PM} Do you have blumpkins in india?
{ 3:56:54 PM} are you married?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:57:04 PM} Colonel Scott, I apologize we have some time constrains and I am unable to discuss these details any further.

{ 3:57:17 PM} Oh Tarmeister

{TARUN_VAISH 3:57:22 PM} Do you have any issue regarding Dell products.?

{ 3:57:22 PM} You broke my heart!
{ 3:57:26 PM} Yeah i guess
{ 3:57:32 PM} So lets say I have a dell jukebox
{ 3:57:41 PM} and I bring it to india
{ 3:57:45 PM} do i need a new charger for it

{TARUN_VAISH 3:57:54 PM} I am sorry for that.

{ 3:58:33 PM} how much does a dell jukebox cost?

{TARUN_VAISH 3:58:47 PM} Yes, you will require new charger .

{ 3:58:49 PM} if i hit it hard like the fonz on happy days does it start? or does it have an on button

{ 3:59:15 PM} how much music can i hold on one?
{ 3:59:36 PM} Can i record myself on there? I have a band, I call it Colonel Scott's lonely hearts club band
{ 4:00:08 PM} we play a lot of reggae, our big song is called "Jah Bless Mount Zion"
{ 4:00:19 PM} we may play india next year, we are getting big in the east

{TARUN_VAISH 4:00:47 PM} Dell DJ cannot record , you can just transfer music.

{ 4:00:50 PM} maybe i could play for dell employees? i think they deserve it, you guys are so helpful
{ 4:01:08 PM} Have you ever been to america?
{ 4:01:13 PM} Did you work for Dell over here first?

{TARUN_VAISH 4:01:45 PM} No, Colonel Scott. I never went to america.

{ 4:02:01 PM} you should come we have lots of dell products
{ 4:02:11 PM} do you own a dell computer?

{TARUN_VAISH 4:03:08 PM} No, Scott, but we work on it.

{ 4:03:22 PM} you own a hewlet packard computer dont you!!??
{ 4:03:27 PM} you sly dog you!
{ 4:03:54 PM} i wont tell anyone, your secret is safe with me

{TARUN_VAISH 4:04:14 PM} No, I did own hewlet packard computer either.

{ 4:04:19 PM} should i get a dell jukebox?>
{ 4:04:25 PM} or should i buy an ipod?
{ 4:05:35 PM} what should i have for dinner? chicken or a peanutbutter sandwich?

{TARUN_VAISH 4:06:43 PM} It depends on your work you can choose dell dj or I pod.

{ 4:06:56 PM} i thought it was dell jukebox
{ 4:07:00 PM} what is the difference
{ 4:07:47 PM} Have you ever been to a deli in new dehli?
{ 4:08:00 PM} have you ever been to the himilayas?

{TARUN_VAISH 4:08:56 PM} New Dell DJ Ditty is slim and trim at 1.29 oz, about the size of a pack of gum.
{TARUN_VAISH 4:09:15 PM} Excellent capacity: With song capacity up to 220 songs, New Dell DJ Ditty has 80% more song capacity than Apple iPod 512MB Shuffle.

{ 4:09:17 PM} wow!

{TARUN_VAISH 4:09:33 PM} Strong Battery life: Rechargeable battery with up to 14 hours of battery life.

{ 4:09:43 PM} 14 hours!

{TARUN_VAISH 4:09:44 PM} Integrated FM Tuner / Easy to read LCD screen: With integrated FM Radio, access to great local and national content.

{ 4:09:52 PM} My dream is to listen to music nonstop for 14 years
{ 4:09:58 PM} i think i could charge and listen at the same time
{ 4:10:03 PM} never stop listening
{ 4:10:12 PM} all reggae, the whole time
{ 4:10:16 PM} maybe i can make this happen

{TARUN_VAISH 4:10:18 PM} Flexibility - works with MULTIPLE music downloading services, Fill and refill your DJ with Musicmatch on Demand Portable or Napster to Go - access up to 1M tracks
MusicMatch 10.1 (Included), Supports Napster to Go and Windows Media Player 10

{ 4:10:21 PM} maybe I can do it with the dell dj!
{ 4:10:49 PM} What kind of toothpaste do you use? I like crest
{ 4:11:10 PM} do you have alphabits in india?
{ 4:11:21 PM} do you dream in color or black and white?
{ 4:11:40 PM} what kind of car do you drive? i hope it isnt a peugot
{ 4:11:54 PM} do you have huffy bikes? or do you have a schwinn. I bet you have a schwinn, you devil you!

{TARUN_VAISH 4:11:58 PM} Is there anything else I can assist you with?

{ 4:12:14 PM} you havent been answering my questions, i am trying to broaden my horizons
{ 4:12:21 PM} i want to learn more about the indian culture
{ 4:13:14 PM} do you have mr potato head in india?
{ 4:13:56 PM} he came with a bucket of fun i leanred that on an old commercial over here

{TARUN_VAISH 4:14:01 PM} It is nice to hear that you want to know about Indian culture.

{ 4:14:18 PM} Yeah, i hear Goa is great
{ 4:14:23 PM} i hear the beaches are beautiful there
{ 4:14:48 PM} have you ever been

{TARUN_VAISH 4:15:08 PM} Yes, there are good beaches in Goa.

{ 4:15:17 PM} Have you ever surfed there?

{TARUN_VAISH 4:15:17 PM} Is there anything else I can assist you with?
{TARUN_VAISH 4:15:29 PM} No.

{ 4:15:40 PM} Hmmmmm I guess you answered all of my questions

{TARUN_VAISH 4:16:13 PM} Thank you.
{TARUN_VAISH 4:16:25 PM} It was nice chatting with you.Good Bye and Have a Nice Day !
{ 4:16:54 PM} thank you, you too!

So what's my tip of the day? Most people in India call Soccer "football", but some still call it soccer. Bet you didn't know that. Unless you live in India.

Any questions, comments, concerns? Email me at scottstipoftheday@gmail.com. Cheers.


becca said...

wow what a conversation with an unknown person and now i know about the term soccer


Bouncin' Barb said...

You are too funny and that's all I am going to say since I offended someone on your #1 chat...lol. I rest my case!

Scott said...

Oh Barb!

I don't have to be politically correct on this blog, so neither do you.

Willow Tree said...

Funny! Made me smile at work and look like a fool.

Willow Tree

dennicapearl said...

lmao.. hilarious.

<3 dennica pearl
- through the eyes of a pearl
- vintage shop

KinectYourXBox said...

i have had similar tech support calls, but none that funny

Jenni said...

You have some balls. I'm so impressed I want to make you brownies. Did you really used to live in Connecticut?

Scott said...

Jenni, feel free to make me brownies as long as they aren't 3 months old like Doreen and her potato.

And yeah, I grew up in fairfield county.

♥PrincessKathryn said...

This made me laugh so hard! I enjoyed this post very much! I can't wait until I get a wrong number call or something now- :D

WhoMe? said...

HAHA, you are hilarious! I've always wanted to do something like this, I'm just not that great at thinking up random questions on the spot....I shall try harder:)

The Nerd said...

I think I have talked to that guy before.

Bouncin' Barb said...

Thanks for that Scott. I appreciate it and keep those blog coming!

-Freshman said...


Shanimal said...

How do you Tarun was a guy? I think Tarun kind of sounds like Taryn, which is mostly a girl's name...I think. Maybe that's why Tarun avoided your questions about shapely women "he" worked with.

Scarlet said...

I love you Colonel Scott! Even more than Colonel Sanders!

wheatgerm said...

Everyone needs conversation

Bittersweet said...

Haha..ahh .. a good read, Colonel Scott.

Novelty Pens said...

Very Funny!

SpReAdInG LoVe™ said...

Tarun is "he".

The chats are monitored and quality reviewed some times by the supervisor in random. So he is not supposed to speak about girls :P

I have the experience of working for tech support in India.

Luckily not in dell and not via chat.