Thursday, January 15, 2009
Grocery Store Checkout Line
Scott's Tip Of The Day: Unless you are an invalid or a gazillionare you probably do your own grocery shopping. If you are like me, you don't want to waste any more time than necessary in the supermarket. You write up your grocery list, you get in, you get out. Bing bang boom. It can get a bit tricky though. The biggest obstacle to a fast checkout is the checkout line. Which line do you choose? Which line should you avoid? Follow these two tips and you'll shave up a considerable amount of time grocery shopping...
AVOID PARENTS WITH LITTLE KIDS
Little kids can considerably slow down your checkout experience. They cry, they whine, they bite. "Mommy, I want Captain Crunch! Mommy, how come Suzie gets a candy bar? Mommy when are we leaving? Mommy, daddy keeps feeding me bleech for breakfast." It never ends. This in turn agitates the kid's mom, which distracts her and slows her down. Then she loses track of what she put on the conveyor belt. "Did you already ring up the magnum condoms? Did I remember to pick them up? Crap!" Sometimes she will pause to yell at her kid and possibly spank him. Although watching the kid get the snot beat out of him is satisfying, it won't get you out of the supermarket any faster, so avoid lines with kids.
AVOID THE ELDERLY
Old people have been around a long time. They remember when a candy bar was a nickle and a burger was a quarter. They forget about inflation and question the price on everything. "What in tarnation? How on earth could a 6 pack of adult diapers cost 10 dollars?" They are irritable, slow and they use coupons. Sometimes they need assistance carrying their groceries to their car. If no one is around, they could ask you! You don't have time for that! They often get confused and disoriented. This can really slow you down. The checkout dude has to call his manager for assistance and they have to escort the old person away from the register and it becomes a big mess. If you suspect an elderly person on line is disoriented, you might be able to convince him that he is your grandfather. If you can swing this, it will be pretty easy getting him to pay for your groceries. If you manage to pull this off, just act cool, escort aforementioned senile person to parking lot, tie them to a bike rack and call your local police department.
At the checkout line if you avoid kids and you avoid old people, your chances of a speedy and enjoyable shopping experience will increase substantially.