Thursday, January 15, 2009

Grocery Store Checkout Line


Scott's Tip Of The Day: Unless you are an invalid or a gazillionare you probably do your own grocery shopping. If you are like me, you don't want to waste any more time than necessary in the supermarket. You write up your grocery list, you get in, you get out. Bing bang boom. It can get a bit tricky though. The biggest obstacle to a fast checkout is the checkout line. Which line do you choose? Which line should you avoid? Follow these two tips and you'll shave up a considerable amount of time grocery shopping...


AVOID PARENTS WITH LITTLE KIDS
Little kids can considerably slow down your checkout experience. They cry, they whine, they bite. "Mommy, I want Captain Crunch! Mommy, how come Suzie gets a candy bar? Mommy when are we leaving? Mommy, daddy keeps feeding me bleech for breakfast." It never ends. This in turn agitates the kid's mom, which distracts her and slows her down. Then she loses track of what she put on the conveyor belt. "Did you already ring up the magnum condoms? Did I remember to pick them up? Crap!" Sometimes she will pause to yell at her kid and possibly spank him. Although watching the kid get the snot beat out of him is satisfying, it won't get you out of the supermarket any faster, so avoid lines with kids.

AVOID THE ELDERLY

Old people have been around a long time. They remember when a candy bar was a nickle and a burger was a quarter. They forget about inflation and question the price on everything. "What in tarnation? How on earth could a 6 pack of adult diapers cost 10 dollars?" They are irritable, slow and they use coupons. Sometimes they need assistance carrying their groceries to their car. If no one is around, they could ask you! You don't have time for that! They often get confused and disoriented. This can really slow you down. The checkout dude has to call his manager for assistance and they have to escort the old person away from the register and it becomes a big mess. If you suspect an elderly person on line is disoriented, you might be able to convince him that he is your grandfather. If you can swing this, it will be pretty easy getting him to pay for your groceries. If you manage to pull this off, just act cool, escort aforementioned senile person to parking lot, tie them to a bike rack and call your local police department.

At the checkout line if you avoid kids and you avoid old people, your chances of a speedy and enjoyable shopping experience will increase substantially.

12 comments:

Why Mom Drinks Rum said...

Also, avoid cashiers with happy faces. They like their jobs. This means they are chatty.

The cranky ones just want to get you the eff out of there.

Thanks for stopping by. Went ahead & linked to you.

thesharkguys said...

Hey Scott,

Thank you for your kind words...

We'd gladly accept that quid pro quo arrangement...

Consider yourself on our blogroll...

Cheers,

Blah la blah blog log said...

What about the too old, or too young, both too slow cashiers???
One can't figure out the system, the other could care less.
They can be deceiving and next thing you know, you are stuck!

LeDaro said...

Scott, thank you. Please go ahead and link my blog.

I know how to put on the side bar but a friend knows more about computers and I will find out how to provide the link to your blog.

Scott said...

Thanks guys you have all been added!

LeDaro said...

Hello Scott,

I added you to my links. I don't know how to do the feed display, but your name is up there.

LeDaro.

agloriousstew said...

Avoid anyone trying to buy beer who looks like a high school student, especially if they are female and the cashier is an awkward middle aged man. It will avoid you standing there for five minutes with your one legit item, adding in the creepy subtext as the cashier makes painful comments like: There's no way you're a day over seventeen (and I like it). Where did you (sex bombs) get these fake IDs?

Miss Ann Thrope said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
areason2write said...

When buying alcohol you also must avoid the check out clerk who is not yet 21. They have to call the manager over - the right manager - the manager with a key - dagger.

sassafrasjunction said...

Nothing thrills me more than witnessing a good spanking in public.

I added you up on my blogroll -- looks like you've been aligning the bloggy ranks this week!

Ed said...

So I am prepared for the shortest trip possible to the store, I always research the price of adult diapers before I go out

Amanda said...

i love the word invalid