Monday, January 26, 2009

Teen Wolf


Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you happen to be a werewolf, modelling your life after the 1985 film, Teen Wolf, could lead to disasterous results. Let me ennumerate some problems you may encounter...

PROBLEM 1: Becoming a wolf does not actually make you a phenomenal basketball player, especially if you are Michael J. Fox (who is 5'4"). Wolves do not have the innate ability to play basketball. Just look at the Minnesota Timberwolves, who are currently 15-27 in the NBA.

PROBLEM 2: When your jackass friend is driving a van, getting on the roof and surfing is never a good idea. Whether you're a wolf or not, it's dangerous, illegal and no one is impressed with your outrageous display of idiocy.

PROBLEM 3: If you were actually a werewolf, you would not be the coolest kid in school. You would be ostracized. You would be banned from all high school athletics and you would be prohibited from acting in the school play. You would be kept in a cage all day. You would eat out of a dog bowl and wear a flea collar. You would eat raw meat and people would laugh at you.

PROBLEM 4: Dating a homely neighbor, named Boof, is never a wise choice. If you're in high school and you have the choice to date any girl in school, you pick the hot popular one. You pick a cheerleader. You don't pick the weirdo with no friends. Even if you like her, you aren't going to get married at 18-years-old. You date the hot cheerleader for awhile, and then when you get bored a few years later (or you get her pregnant), you leave her and date Boof. Boof is boring and plain. Believe me, she isn't going anywhere. She won't be whisked away by some millionare. She'll be collecting fines from books past due at the local library.

PROBLEM 5: Becoming a werewolf on a regular basis may effect your body in weird ways and lead to debilitating diseases such as Parkinsons. (I know, I know, that was horribl............horribly funny).

I hope you have learned a valuable lesson today. Werewolves are not cool.

13 comments:

mine, by magpie said...

"PROBLEM 5: Becoming a werewolf on a regular basis may effect your body in weird ways and lead to debilitating diseases such as Parkinsons"

seriously, i'm effed for the day cuz i peed a little.

my name is mike; said...

hey scott, i appreciate the compliment and any publicity. if by link exchange, you mean i post a link to your blog under what i call my "cool type blogs" section, i´d be happy to do it. i gave your blog (and some of the comments) a cursory once over and found it (them) fun. looks like you´ve got a cool community. i´ll be following your blog and posting your link after this comment. if you meant something more elaborate you may have to give me a clue, i´ve got a lot to learn about the blog world.

Small Footprints said...

LOL! Do you find that "sometimes you just think funny". :) That was hilarious! In fact, your entire blog is great ... I've been laughing since I got here!

I'm going to follow you ... and I'll add you to my blog roll!

Take Care!

Small Footprints
http://reducefootprints.blogspot.com

King of New York Hacks said...

You are linked in my friend. however my old italian grandmother I believe was a werewolf now. I walked in on her taking a shower once, Owwwwoooo!!!!!! Hairy !!! LOL

Clarisse Teagen said...

......... How do you know so much about being a werewolf.
You did some research on it?? or hahaha. This is experience isn't it.

laclips said...

Scott, you are linked my friend. Keep up the good work. I'll be checking back often- Brad

Scott said...

Clarisse,
I may or may not be a werewolf and I may or may not have done everything I just advised against in this column

Ceci said...

You forgot to add the fact that no one likes an overly hairy guy... look at Robin Williams!

Back hair! *shudders*

Rickey Henderson said...

aight buddy, Rickey added your blog to his blogroll over a week ago. Where's the reciprocation, cupcake?

Alex L said...

Of course theres always the advantage of being to just choose and actual dog, if your a werewolf... I'm sure no one is going to look down on you.

angiie. said...

ah the flea collar and raw meat i could handle. the hairiness? no way.

i guess other diseases would include rabies.

Juggle Jane said...

You're awful.

Awful entertaining.

Scott said...

Haha Thanks Jane