Monday, January 26, 2009
Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you happen to be a werewolf, modelling your life after the 1985 film, Teen Wolf, could lead to disasterous results. Let me ennumerate some problems you may encounter...
PROBLEM 1: Becoming a wolf does not actually make you a phenomenal basketball player, especially if you are Michael J. Fox (who is 5'4"). Wolves do not have the innate ability to play basketball. Just look at the Minnesota Timberwolves, who are currently 15-27 in the NBA.
PROBLEM 2: When your jackass friend is driving a van, getting on the roof and surfing is never a good idea. Whether you're a wolf or not, it's dangerous, illegal and no one is impressed with your outrageous display of idiocy.
PROBLEM 3: If you were actually a werewolf, you would not be the coolest kid in school. You would be ostracized. You would be banned from all high school athletics and you would be prohibited from acting in the school play. You would be kept in a cage all day. You would eat out of a dog bowl and wear a flea collar. You would eat raw meat and people would laugh at you.
PROBLEM 4: Dating a homely neighbor, named Boof, is never a wise choice. If you're in high school and you have the choice to date any girl in school, you pick the hot popular one. You pick a cheerleader. You don't pick the weirdo with no friends. Even if you like her, you aren't going to get married at 18-years-old. You date the hot cheerleader for awhile, and then when you get bored a few years later (or you get her pregnant), you leave her and date Boof. Boof is boring and plain. Believe me, she isn't going anywhere. She won't be whisked away by some millionare. She'll be collecting fines from books past due at the local library.
PROBLEM 5: Becoming a werewolf on a regular basis may effect your body in weird ways and lead to debilitating diseases such as Parkinsons. (I know, I know, that was horribl............horribly funny).
I hope you have learned a valuable lesson today. Werewolves are not cool.