Wednesday, July 28, 2010

2010 Questions/Answers Installment 7

Scott's Tip Of The Day: From time to time I get feedback from my readers. I like feedback. I like questions. Email me anytime ( I received the following email today:

Hey, Scott! I'm e-mailing you from an anonymous account to ask you a simple question/express a simple statement. I hate my job. I hate my bosses. They are stupid and have no idea how to run a business. They are as stupid as they are fat and ugly. This is the short of it. Now for my question: What would be the best way to drug my boss? I know of these Calm's Forte pills, and if I crush them up, and slip them into a beverage, it could work, right? Just wanted to put it by you, because it is something I think about a lot. And also, I'd have to marry my boyfriend if I carried it out so he wont have to testify against me. Short of arson, this is all I got.

Lots of love,
Not Above Drugging my Boss in Bosie Idaho.

Not Above Drugging her Boss in Boise Idaho,

Wow. OK. Deep breath. By day, I am an attorney. That's my real job. That's how I make my moolah. As an attorney, I can't in good conscious advise you to drug your boss. Are you trying to get me arrested? Are YOU trying to get arrested?

Everyone has a few issues with the people they work with. Poison is not the answer. How about a prank? Why don't you call one of those strip-o-gram services and have them show up to do a strip tease for your boss. At work. That would be inappropriate. That would probably make him look pretty bad too. Unless you work as a phone sex operator, that will pretty much screw up his day.

Alternatively, you could ship him multiple mail order brides. Arrange for them to be transported C.O.D. to your office. All at the same time. That would be a debacle. There is no way he is sorting that out amicably.

So in conclusion, there is no need for poison. But you can embarrass your boss so badly he wishes you did poison him. That's even better.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Fixing The Economy The Pakistani Way

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Only 1.5% of the Pakistani population pay taxes. What was the government's solution to this problem? In one rich neighborhood, the government hired transgender tax collectors to embarrass residents into paying their taxes.

What a great idea! If anyone has a transgender Pakistani for hire, who is fluent in English, please email me at and let me know how much you are asking for their services. Thanks.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Diet Crystal Clear Pepsi

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Yes. The reports on EverybodyLovesCox are true. I purchased a sealed bottle of 1993 Diet Crystal Clear Pepsi yesterday. I bought it on ebay for $25 after some shrewd negotiating. My esteemed colleague, Jordan has accepted my challenge to drink this extremely expired beverage. It will be video recorded and posted on this blog. Will he hurl? Will it be delicious? Will it be flat and nasty? You will know by September 1st. The countdown begins....

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Russia-USA Spy Swap

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Did you hear about the US-Russia spy swap? Imprisoned Russian Scientist, Igor V. Sutyagin, is being traded for two American spies, Dan Akroyd and Chevy Chase, who have reportedly lost their usefulness.