Friday, August 26, 2011

WFAN/Joe & Evan In The Morning

Scott's Tip Of The Day:

I switched to sattelite radio this week. I just couldn't handle another day commuting and listening to terrestrial radio. What really pushed me over the edge is NYC's one and only 660AM WFAN. What was my problem, exactly? You can read it below, in my letter to the station:

Dear Eric,

How are you? I saw you were the person who sorts through the complaints and comments at WFAN so I thought I would shoot you an email.

I bet you get a lot of crazy emails. People from LI and Jersey complaining "Yo, Mike Francesa hung up on me! Maron! What gives!? I want that dude fired, yo!" I know the type. I went to law school in Long Island. I empathize with you. Most of them are inarticulate. They wear too much man jewelry and use inordinate amounts of hair gel. They prob make you want to throw your computer against the wall. I can assure you I am not one of these people. I am educated, cultured and generally I try to conform with traditional social norms. I am a serious man with a serious gripe.

I listened to WFAN for 3+ years on my commute to work. Yeah, that's past tense. I don't listen anymore. I reached my breaking point the other day and I purchased satellite radio. I will never listen to WFAN again.

It's not the commercials that bother me. Well the 1-877 Cars for Kids commercial bothers me. It kind of makes me want to commit Seppuku. But let's forget about that for a moment. Generally, your commercials don't bother me. It's not your station format either. I take no issue with most of your programming. Although Mike Francesa is irritable, dismissive and a compulsive gambler (this is a plausible assumption based on how much time he spends at the track), he knows his sports. Although Boomer & Carton provide a substandard listening experience, I realize I am not the intended audience (white male, Age 18-70, alcoholic, possibly insomniac, less than average IQ, misogynist, inability to relate to others, slightly out of touch with reality, lives at home with parents). It's Joe & Evan that really push me over the edge. Let me explain why:

Joe cannot go three seconds without saying "Bro." I looked in the Merck manual to see if this was some kind of disability. Tourette syndrome? Autism? Michael Sorrentino disease? It turns out he just has a very poor vocabulary. By my estimation it sits around a paltry 200-300 words. Evan's vocabulary is a little more advanced, but he still struggles with multi-syllable words (its Vuvuzela not Vuzuvela). Did you know he didn't even go to college? Perhaps he needs to brush up on his English. Does WFAN provide a tutor for its show hosts? Perhaps that would be a good investment.

Furthermore, the producer of the show has a great deal of difficulty filtering out the semi-intelligent callers from grumpy old men, idiots proposing totally unrealistic trades and yesman fanboy famewhores who agree with anything any on-air personality says if it means getting their voice on the radio. People don't want to hear what it will take for the Mets to land Justin Verlander. It's never going to happen. Never ever ever ever. Never.

Additionally, Joe & Evan spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the Nets and Islanders, when only about 8 people in the tri-state area care about these teams. Joe & Evan like the Mets too. I understand this character flaw, since a lot of New Yorkers like the Mets, but how about some unbiased discussion about the Yankees once in awhile? Some discussion without backhanded jabs or veiled jealousy?

In conclusion, I just feel dumber after listening to your station. Especially after listening to Joe & Evan. What's Evan? Twenty six years old? How can he even be expected to speak intelligently about any sports event pre-1990? He can't. That's why he shouldn't be on NYC radio.

Please reconsider your late morning/early afternoon programming choice. I realize this is a big decision. Here are some suggestions for programs that would be more intellectually stimulating than Joe & Evan in the morning:

-Three hours of nothing but the sound of balloons popping
-An embittered Vietnam war veteran discussing the incurable diseases he caught in a whorehouse five clicks south of Da Nang
-A lost child crying for his mother
-idle chitchat between two men with heavy accents, waiting for a bus to Brighton Beach at the Port Authority
-An African Grey Parrot reciting the alphabet

Don't worry. I am not asking for any compensation for these ideas. Just trying to help. I hope you take them into consideration. Have a great weekend.


So what's my tip of the day? Buy yourself a satellite radio! Terrestrial radio blows. Especially 660AM WFAN.


J. said...

First off, it's 1-877-Kars-4-Kids, Scott, which you would know if you actually listened to the FAN. Second, it's a sports talk radio station not NPR, or even WCBS. And hey, you don't like WFAN? Spin your AM dial to ESPN 1050. Trust me, Mad Dog Radio is not worth the money. (You think it's tough listening to Joe and Evan? Try listening to Christopher Russo for more than 15 minutes without wanting to crash into the median strip.) Third, watch what you say about us Mets fans, bub. We may not hit as many home runs or grand slams as the Yankees, or win as many games, but we still have our pride (sort of).

Ninalocks said...

I don't know how you do it, Scott, but you make me literally cry tears (as opposed to crying pearls) of laughter when I read your stuff. Especially that last one on Abercrombie. I literally read it out loud to all my friends whom looked at me like I was wearing a Gaga costume. You're genius, and I won't tire of saying it. Please keep posting regularly! Kudos

Bushman said...

Your right.Verlander stays here! I listen to the radio for 10 minutes in the morn and ten in the eve on my commute work and sometimes in the garage.
They play country music at work. That is enough to make me shoot my ears off.
I can't imagine having stupid people to pair with the country music.

Big Head said...

Nina McBlogger +1
I’ll wait for more now.