Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Scott's Tip Of The Day Declares War on The American Family Association

Scott's Tip Of The Day: There are three things I hate more than anything: Cauliflower, people who drive slow in the passing lane and the American Family Association.

Cauliflower makes me gag. People who drive slow in the passing lane add time to my commute. The American Family Association? That requires a little elaboration....

Lets take the most recent example. Ben & Jerry's recently released a new flavor called "Schweddy Balls." Funny, right? Even if you don't think it's funny, who cares? Transexuals are dancing with the stars on TV. Gay people are allowed to ask and tell. A black dude is president. We're living in a modern world. The American Family Association, however, is demanding Schweddy Balls be removed from the market.

Really American Family Association? Really? You people don't have anything better to do? You already complain about radio programs, television programs, you are complaining about ice cream?

Guess what? If you don't like television shows with foul language or nudity then don't watch them. If you don't like Schweddy Balls, then eat some vegetables instead. If you spent as much time watching your kid as you did complaining about ice cream, then maybe he wouldn't be exposed to these "awful" things.

And what makes these things so awful anyway? As Mark Twain once said "Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them." The word "Fuck" wasn't so bad until people stigmatized it. And nudity? There's nothing wrong with the human body. It's a beautiful thing. Well generally. I mean a lady with hammer toes isn't beautiful. Neither is a man with a crooked penis. But generally, yeah, it's a beautiful thing. All you are doing is programming your children to feel shame over natural things.

If you want to raise your kid like that then be my guest. You're a parent. Do some parenting. Watch your kids. Forbid them from watching "naughty" programs. Supervise them. Over-supervise them. Teach your kids that dinosaurs and people lived at the same time. Fuck your kid up. Make him self-conscious. Make him feel like shit for thinking normal thoughts and feeling normal things. But don't create a world where my kid feels shameful for behaving like that. We live in a free country. Don't tread on me. Don't censor me. Don't create decency standards for my children. I can take care of raising them myself. And don't you dare try to take those Schweddy Balls away from me.. I love putting those schweddy fucking balls in my mouth.

I hope everyone in the American Family Association gets arthritis from writing those stupid letters to Ben & Jerry's. I have never declared war on anyone or any organization but I am declaring war on the American Family Association. If you have any free time I fully encourage you to call them and tell them they are idiots. Write them hate mail. Send them scathing letters. Feel free to record your conversations or copy me ( on those emails and I will publish your responses if I like them. If anyone in the American Family Association thinks they are justified in their actions and would like to discuss them I'd be happy to have a dialogue with you. I'll let you present your case. But you're going to have to answer my questions afterwards. Are you sure your beliefs will hold up to scrutiny?


Simon said...

Scott... that's a bloody fantastic post. Funny, angry, and 100% right.

stephen Hayes said...

I was so excited by your post that I pounded my fist hard enough on my desk to knock over my coffee mug. What a mess. It was worth it, though. I agree with Scott about everything you said. Censorship doesn't work and never has. This latest dustup will just help Ben & Jerry's to sell more product.

lovepunch said...

agreed 100%! It's my first time commenting, but I felt I should tell you I am really debating writing an email to the AFA about how idiotic they are. If I get my lazy butt up to do it, I will shoot you a copy :)

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