Electrical Lines

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Walking on top of trains is dangerous. Toucing electrical lines is dangerous. Doing both at once is just asking for trouble.

EMAIL Scott's Tip Of The Day

Any questions for the all-knowing Scott? Shoot me an email at Scottstipoftheday@gmail.com and I would be happy to answer them. I apologize for my infrequent posting this month, and will try to make it up to you.... one way or another. Wink wink. Nudge nudge.

Unsolved Mysteries

Scott's Tip Of The Day: I dig. I dig real deep. I try to solve mysteries. I like to get to the bottom of things. I'm like Woodward and Bernstein. Combined. But sometimes my questions go unanswered. These are some of those questions:

LETTER SENT TO 3M:

Dear 3M,

Does 3M stand for Moron Moron Moron!? Why on earth would you put scotch in translucent tape? Don't you realize kids use this tape in school every day? I caught my 7-year-old kid, Keeshwan, licking the tape the other day. I said "Keeshwan, why you lick dat tape" and Keeshwan be all like "It's SCOTCH tape daddy! It got scotch in it!"

I grounded Keeshwan for drinking underage. At the very least you should please stop selling Scotch Tape to minors. It's dangerous.

I am a very concerned parent. Please address my concern or at the very least send me a coupon for more Scotch Tape. (It may be inappropriate for Keeshwan to eat it, but that doesn't preclude me!)



NO RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!!!



Letter sent to M&Ms:

Dear M&Ms,
I purchased M&Ms at a Duane Reade convenience store in NYC yesterday, only to find out they are selling counterfeit M&Ms. I suspected something was wrong when they charged me $3.00 for a normal sized package. But then, I open up the package and what do I find inside?
The M&Ms inside are not M's! They are W's. Somebody at Duane Reade must be playing a joke on me! Not only did they charge an exorbitant amount for these M&Ms. But they were not M's! They were W's. Duane Reade refused to refund me because I already opened the package. I said "let me speak with Mr. Reade. How would I have known these were faulty if I didn't open the package" They would hear none of it. Can I get a voucher for a free pack of M&Ms? I have always loved your candy and this is the first time I have encountered a problem in my 26+ years of eating M&Ms.
Thanks.


NO RESPONSE

Sometimes, there just aren't any answers....

Steve Jobs

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Steve Jobs might be one of the most brilliant minds on earth. Apple stock rises and falls on reports of his health. (We hope you get better, Steve!) But no one's perfect. Steve Jobs has not been seen in public, without wearing a black turtleneck in years. Honestly, Steve? Who wears turtlenecks in the summer? What's your deal? Just because you are a visionary doesn't mean you have to be creepy. You gesticulate a lot too (That's what she said.) That doesn't really help with the creepiness factor. How about a makeover? Maybe one of those vinyl Michael Jackson Thriller era vests?


Oh yeah! Now we're talking! Come on Steve Jobs! Get with the program. Get hip! As for you, blog readers, turtlenecks in summer are a no-no. Whenever you have the urge to wear one, wear a 80's vinyl vest instead.

Do you have a question that's been burning a hole in your brain? Is something else burning a hole in your brain? Want to know what it is? Want help with the rest of your personal problems? Why does it hurt when you pee, etc.? Shoot me an email at Scottstipoftheday@gmail.com and I would be happy to address your questions. Remember to include your first name and where you are from. Until the next time.....

Redundancy Redundancy Redundancy Redundancy

Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you're trying to make a point, don't be redundant. You'll probably be more persuasive if your argument is short and concise. There's no need to go on and on after you've made your point. There's no reason to be redundant. You shouldn't be redundant. No one wants to hear you drag on, you know? Because that would be redundant. Did I mention it's annoying when people are redundant? I am sick of hearing people talk and talk and talk. I get it! I mean how could anyone not realize they are just repeating the same stupid thing over and over again? They should wake up and stop being so redundant. Oh man! Redundancy annoys me so much. This reminds me of a time one of my friends was just blithering about the same thing for like 2 hours. I was like "I get it already, stop it, you're being redundant!" Why did he have to talk about the same thing for so long? It was so redundant. I hated it....the redundancy I mean.......... What was I talking about, I spaced out? Oh yeah. Redundancy. Don't you hate it when people are redundant.....

Spare Time

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Work, work, work. Life can get pretty monotonous sometimes. What do you do when you need an escape? Vacation? Nah, too expensive. Drugs? Drugs are illegal!!! So what can you do? Follow these simple instructions

1)Purchase a surgeon's mask

2)Purchase fake blood capsules

3)Put on your surgeon's mask and go to a public place.

4) Take off your surgeon's mask, bite fake blood capsules and start spitting on the floor going "Ohhhhh Nooooo"

5)Yell "I think I have swine flu! I think I have swine flu!"

6)Record events with a digital camera

Publish Post

7)Upload to youtube

8)Email me at scottstipoftheday@gmail.com when you have done all of this

This will keep me...cough cough...ahem...I mean....uh...you very entertained

People Who Pass Fliers Out On The Street

Scott's Tip Of The Day: You know what I hate? People who come up to me on the street and ask me for money. You know what I hate more than someone I don't know who asks me for money? Someone I don't know that wants to give me pamphlets. Honestly man, if your religion sucks so much you have to recruit people via sidewalk pamphlets, then maybe it is time to convert to a new religion? Perhaps the Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster?

And if you're not trying to convert me, what's your angle, man? Are you advertising? How are you building confidence in your product/store if you can't afford to advertise on TV? "Oh, man. I just got the greatest new thing! I am surprised I never heard about it, until a scary man on the street gave me a pamphlet to introduce me to it! I can't believe there were no advertisements in magazines, radio or television!" Oh yeah! You hear that ALL the time!

Stop killing trees! If you want to give me a pamphlet, at least give me something cool too. Give me a pinwheel or something. I haven't seen one of those in awhile. Or a slap bracelet! Do some creative marketing. Tug on my heartstrings. Tell me if I don't buy your product a kid in Africa is going to die! Until you do. I am not going to take your pamphlets....and my loyal readers....neither should you!