Scott's Tip Of The Day: "Irregardless" is not a word, people. Stop saying it! You sound like English is your second language. "Well, Scott, what can I use instead?" Good question. How about a real word like "Regardless?" "The Irre" is superfluous. I bet some of you are thumbing through the dictionary right now. "Ha" I found it in the dictionary! Proved Scott wrong!" If you are one of those people then punch yourself in the gut. You just made a rookie mistake. Under the definition it says "non-standard." Yeah. That means it's not a real word. So what did we learn today? Don't say "irregardless" and don't argue with Scott

What's Up With Youth?

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Kids will be kids. But what you do as a kid has consequences later in life. Think twice before donning early 90's garb and dancing like Michael Jackson. It may come back to haunt you.

Greyhound

Scott's Tip Of The Day: By now you have probably heard about Alec Baldwin's latest freak out. That guy sure loves his Words With Friends.

While I don't agree with his behavior I agree with his sentiments that the flying experience is becoming more and more like traveling on a Greyhound Bus. Greyhound found this repugnant and responded to Alec Baldwin's comments.

I felt Greyhound's comments to be a little disingenuous when they said “I don’t know if he’s ever been on one of our buses (it doesn’t sound like it), but there are about 17.6 million people who travel with us every year who I’m sure wouldn’t share [his] feelings.”

So what did I do? The only thing I could do. I wrote to Greyhound.


Dear Greyhound,

I recently read about the Alec Baldwin Words With Friends debacle. One of his comments compared American Airlines to the "Greyhound Bus Experience."

One of your publicists responded:

“I don’t know if he’s ever been on one of our buses (it doesn’t sound like it), but there are about 17.6 million people who travel with us every year who I’m sure wouldn’t share [his] feelings.”
First, I would like to say I am an upstanding citizen. I have never been arrested. I am a successful attorney, I am highly educated and I adhere to social norms. I have travelled on Greyhound on many occasions and I think I can accurately articulate how America feels about Greyhound....

The 17.6 million people who travel on Greyhound do not enjoy this experience. Your publicist has either been misinformed or he is lying. As Dave Attell once said "You've been to a bus station, it's kinda scary. People walkin' around dirty, wearin' rags, babblin', shakin', droolin'. That's why no one ever blows up a bus station. They get down there, they look around, they're like 'Damn! Someone's already done this bitch, let's get outta here!"

I know you work in a corporate office and you probably don't often venture into Greyhound bus stations, but I can confirm that this is an accurate description. There are homeless men. It smells like pee. You can't use the bathroom unless the man behind the counter buzzes you in. When you get on the bus things don't get any better. If you are in the northeast you might get lucky and find yourself on a bus with mostly college students. If you aren't lucky you end up on a bus with a lot of low class winos taking their welfare check to cash in at Foxwoods Casino. No, I am not exaggerating. I have seen these people. They don't shower, they wear very old clothes and they smell of alcohol in addition to body odor. They stare at me and say things I don't understand. (I don't understand what they are saying because they are not only drunk but they are missing a lot of their teeth too.)

People travel on Greyhound for a variety of reasons. The main reason is it is cheap. Your customers need to go somewhere but they can't afford to buy a plane or train ticket. The second reason people travel on Greyhound is because all train routes on the available route have already sold out. There is a romanticism about driving cross country. Not on a bus. Not unless motion sickness is a romantic notion.

Nobody likes Greyhound but it's a necessary evil. But let's call a spade a spade. Don't insult my intelligence and tell me your travel experience is great. When people are afraid to fall asleep on your buses, that means it's not fun.

I hope you appreciate my input and consider some of the things I have said. But, I am realistic. I doubt you will. But please do me a favor. The next time you take a ride on a Greyhound, sit next to the smelly wino. Take a nap. Then email me back a full report of what happened. I just hope your butt doesn't hurt too bad.

Sincerely,

Scott


I will let you all know if they decide to respond. Stay tuned.

And The Winner of Scott's Tip Of The Day Schmuck Of The Year Award Goes To......

Scott's Tip Of The Day: It's time for the first annual Scott's Tip Of The Day Schmuck Of The Year Award (STODSOTYA). STODSOTYA! It sounds Russian, right? Well kind of appropriate because our STODSOTYA winner sealed her award up when she traveled to Chechnya. Who Could it be?



Why none other than Hilary Swank!

Yeah, she only spells her name with one L. She didn't graduate highschool. Spelling wasn't her best subject. Apparently, social studies wasn't either. Hilary Swank recently accepted $1.5 Million to appear at Chechnyan President, Ramzan Kadyrov's, birthday.
Oh sounds like fun, right? No! Not at all! Have you read about this dude? His military units allegedly routiely engage in torture,rape and genocide. He is allegedly responsible for the murders of many reporters. He is also allegedly a big fan of honor killing. What's honor killing? When your wife leaves the house with short sleeves and you kill her because she has embarrassed you and brought shame to your family. "HOW DARE YOU WEAR SHORT SLEEVES, WIFE!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!"

So Hilary, way to go. You accepted $1.5 million to appear at Ramzan's birthday and kiss his ass. Clearly your handlers and you did no research on the man. You fired your manager and your PR team dumped you. You are just as bad as Beyonce, Usher and Mariah Carey. What did they do? They partied with Gadhafi's son at his 2010-2011 New Years Party.

Some people will do anything for money. Hilary Swank, you're an imbecile. You set a bad example for kids and you kind of look like an ape too.

Check it out:



She's totally an ape.

Well, congratulations Hil. You are the winner of STODSOTYA 2011!

Steve Jobs

There aren't too many people who have changed the world like Steve Jobs. Personal computers, Ipods, Ipads, Itunes, apps, graphical user interfaces, mice. You can thank Steve Jobs for all of that. Well, you can thank Xerox for the mouse, but Steve Jobs stole it. That was pretty bad-ass so he still gets a kudos.

Although I've poked fun at him in the past, the truth is I had an enormous amount of respect for him and I'm really sad to see him go. How often does a person touch millions of peoples' lives like he did? Not often. He went before his time and my heart goes out to his wife and kids.

Steve Jobs once said "live everyday like it's your last." I'm sure someone else said that before him, but Jobs definitely subscribed to that philosophy. I'm glad he did because no one deserves to die at 56. I hope wherever you are, Steve, it's cooler than what I saw in All Dogs Go To Heaven. Because no one deserves that. I hope you've gone to a place where all of the computers are Apple and Microsoft doesn't exist. A place where your Apple extended warranty lasts forever. I hope every store carries a black turtleneck, New Balance sneakers and a pair of blue jeans.


Steve Jobs, you will be missed, but certainly not forgotten. See you on the other side.
Namaste.

Scott's Tip Of The Day Declares War on The American Family Association

Scott's Tip Of The Day: There are three things I hate more than anything: Cauliflower, people who drive slow in the passing lane and the American Family Association.

Cauliflower makes me gag. People who drive slow in the passing lane add time to my commute. The American Family Association? That requires a little elaboration....

Lets take the most recent example. Ben & Jerry's recently released a new flavor called "Schweddy Balls." Funny, right? Even if you don't think it's funny, who cares? Transexuals are dancing with the stars on TV. Gay people are allowed to ask and tell. A black dude is president. We're living in a modern world. The American Family Association, however, is demanding Schweddy Balls be removed from the market.


Really American Family Association? Really? You people don't have anything better to do? You already complain about radio programs, television programs, porno....now you are complaining about ice cream?

Guess what? If you don't like television shows with foul language or nudity then don't watch them. If you don't like Schweddy Balls, then eat some vegetables instead. If you spent as much time watching your kid as you did complaining about ice cream, then maybe he wouldn't be exposed to these "awful" things.

And what makes these things so awful anyway? As Mark Twain once said "Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them." The word "Fuck" wasn't so bad until people stigmatized it. And nudity? There's nothing wrong with the human body. It's a beautiful thing. Well generally. I mean a lady with hammer toes isn't beautiful. Neither is a man with a crooked penis. But generally, yeah, it's a beautiful thing. All you are doing is programming your children to feel shame over natural things.

If you want to raise your kid like that then be my guest. You're a parent. Do some parenting. Watch your kids. Forbid them from watching "naughty" programs. Supervise them. Over-supervise them. Teach your kids that dinosaurs and people lived at the same time. Fuck your kid up. Make him self-conscious. Make him feel like shit for thinking normal thoughts and feeling normal things. But don't create a world where my kid feels shameful for behaving like that. We live in a free country. Don't tread on me. Don't censor me. Don't create decency standards for my children. I can take care of raising them myself. And don't you dare try to take those Schweddy Balls away from me.. I love putting those schweddy fucking balls in my mouth.

I hope everyone in the American Family Association gets arthritis from writing those stupid letters to Ben & Jerry's. I have never declared war on anyone or any organization but I am declaring war on the American Family Association. If you have any free time I fully encourage you to call them and tell them they are idiots. Write them hate mail. Send them scathing letters. Feel free to record your conversations or copy me (scottstipoftheday@gmail.com) on those emails and I will publish your responses if I like them. If anyone in the American Family Association thinks they are justified in their actions and would like to discuss them I'd be happy to have a dialogue with you. I'll let you present your case. But you're going to have to answer my questions afterwards. Are you sure your beliefs will hold up to scrutiny?

Coco Puffs

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Consumption of Coco Puffs can lead to unusual behavior.