Salvation Army

Scott's Tip Of The Day: I don't donate to the Salvation Army and neither should you. What kind of person financially supports violence?

Sexual Harassment

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Don't think of sexual harassment as a crime. Think of it as a lifestyle choice.

Rudy Guliani

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Learning about someone's background is important. You can tell a lot about someone from their background, especially their family. For example, take Rudy Guliani. I spent millions of dollars in research studying his speech impediment. After examining unique tonal inflections and taking note of his tendancy to slobber, I was able to reconstruct his family tree. What did we learn after studying Guliani's background? We learn he fucked a duck.

Cocktail

Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you're underage and you want a cocktail, I hear they prescribe you one when you get AIDS.

Fat Albert

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Even though Fat Albert tries to lecture you at the end of every Fat Albert And The Junkyard Gang episode remember this: Fat Albert freely elects to chill out in the junkyard. You know what's in the junkyard? Broken glass, vermin, disease, the foul stench of misc unidentifiable things decaying and dying....the list goes on and on. Furthermore Fat Albert is grossly overweight. What is he 13 going on 4 heart attacks? And he hangs out with a guy with a speech impediment and another guy named Dumb Donald. Would your mom even let you hang out with this kid? (If the answer is yes, you have bigger problems than I initially thought). Think twice before taking his advice.

Cowboys & Indians

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Cowboys and Indians have changed a lot over the years. Cowboys used to have showdowns at the OK coral. Now they open mouth kiss on the prairie. Indians used to scalp their enemies. Now they bust you in blackjack.

Dinosaurs

Scott's Tip Of The Day: Many evangelical christians believe dinosaur bones are fake and the devil placed them on earth to test their faith in God (See here). I agree. Dinosaurs are silly, how could they be real? I would also reccomend giving a second thought to believing in Orange Julius (the devil's drink), micro machines (how did the devil make these cars so small?) and Gilbert Gottfried (How did the devil make his voice so annoying?).