Yogurt

Scott's Tip Of The Day: The best yogurt is actually alive when you eat it. If you don't believe me see here. So basically, you have a live cup of yogurt in your fridge. It knows you want to eat it. It sees that half empty milk container in there. It knows you are coming for it next. So what can you do to protect yourself from a yogurt attack?

• Keep a loaded gun trained on the refrigerator when opening it. If something looks suspicious then shoot first and ask questions later.
• Cover yourself with a biohazard suit or full body condom while opening your fridge so the yogurt cannot latch onto your body and permeate your skin
• Avoid discussing sensitive yogurt issues in the vicinity of your yogurt. Some examples of sensitive yogurt issues include The Bolivian Yogurt Holocaust of 1924, the great ice cream vs. frozen yogurt debate and the 2006 Interstate 95 Frogurt Fatality

And always remember to avoid making eye contact with your yogurt