Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Top 10 People Who Squint Too Much

Scott's Tip Of The Day: If you need glasses, buy glasses. Then wear glasses. It's simple. You can buy contacts too. Just do something. I can't watch you squint anymore. It's getting on my nerves. What? Who am I directing this towards?


9&10. Cheech & Chong
Well, I think we all know why Cheech & Chong squint. They always seem to have a good time though. Chong already wears glasses and they don't seem to help, so I think this is one of those cases where you just let it slide.

8. Paul Reubens AKA Pee Wee Herman
Paul. Where do I start? You're funny. But you're a scary motherfu**er. Sometimes I wonder if you're half mongoloid. Whatever the case. All you do is laugh and squint and make weird noises and pleasure yourself in adult cinemas. I think we need to get you some glasses. I think we also need to get you some heavy medication. There, there. We will get you better.

7. Fred Willard
Are you squinting? Do you really look like that? I can't tell. You are already a funny guy, Fred. You don't need to squint to be funny. Stop that. And if you can't help it? Then I guess I am just an insensitive assh**e.

6. Clint Eastwood
It must be bright in that desert, Clint, because all you do is squint. You shoot people, you squint, you shoot a few more people, you squint, and so on and so forth. Do yourself a favor man. Buy some sunglasses. Maybe you don't even need prescription lenses!

5. Nicole Kidman
Nicole Kidman. What did you inject into your face? It's like the top of your forehead is running away from your eyes. You are beginning to look like a japanimation character. I don't think you need glasses, just stop it with the surgery already.

4. Joan Rivers
Unlike Nicole, I think it's too late for Joan. If she stopped getting these plastic surgery tune ups, she would probably drip into a gelatinous blob on the floor. There is nothing we can do for you and your squinting Joan. Just try to keep those eyes open. You can do it, I know you can.

3. Renee Zellweger
Hey Renee. Aren't you impressed I spelled your name correctly? It's tough, right? I don't know what's wrong with your face but I don't think glasses is going to fix it. Maybe some plastic surgery will fix it? Just don't go to Joan Rivers' plastic surgeon

2. Gilbert Gottfried
Gilbert. You're a funny man. You're small too. You're a small funny man. But apparently you never learned to speak with "inside voices" in kindergarten. You also never bought yourself corrective eye lenses because I've never ever seen the white's of your eyes. Do yourself a favor. You can afford glasses. Buy them!

1.French Stewart
Your name is "French!" Weird! Although the other people on this list squint too much, you never stop squinting. It's like a perpetual thing. Do you need glasses? Did you lodge something up your tuchus? Does it hurt? Get it removed!


Anonymous said...

I like Rene, im glad she's dating Bradley Cooper- His new movie All About Steve looks cute! bit.ly/yOiIw

Jennifer Good said...

Funny as always.....When did we become a culture when we cared what was on stranger's minds. And then created our own blogs to seek approval from strangers? We must be a very narcissistic culture. =)

I don't know what made me think of that or even say that out loud online.

And wasn't there a family guy episode where they referenced French and Cleavland was like "What are you squinting for!? It's not even bright out!" or something?

Mark said...

I'm looking forward to the follow-up posts on people who's eyes are too wide, too close together and not human enough.

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